


I want to write the book with you

by ButtTouchBrigade



Series: Jane Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect, actually it's mass effect 3 but whos counting
Genre: F/M, OS, Post-Destruction Ending, SO, but who writes real t'sovik am i right?, here's a full on t'sovik fic focused solely on t'sovik, o k, t'sovik is my hell and nobody will take me away from here, tere's background t'sovik, there are liTERALLY NO, tsovik fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 22,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4506483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButtTouchBrigade/pseuds/ButtTouchBrigade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After saving his life during their final fight against the Reapers, Liara jokingly tells Javik that he owes her a book. </p><p>“I want to write the book with you, Dr. T’soni” is not the reply she was expecting.</p><p> </p><p>(an exploration of Javik and Liara's relationship after the Reapers are defeated)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LOL did somebody say T'sovik because I sure as hell heard it 
> 
> //again, short chapter to begin with but they will get progressively longer. I'm not aiming for huge chapters though. Small chapters for each of the ruins they visit :)

“I believe you owe me a book, Javik.” Words said between weak giggles. She was originally joking – Liara knew he was planning to revisit the place where his crew had been killed, and most likely end his life there too. A sad end for such a glorious species.  He glanced up, before looking down at the floor again. It was as if he was ashamed, but she knew that was impossible. Javik didn’t feel shame.

“I want to write the book with you, Dr. T’soni,” was his simple reply. Except, if one were to think about it, the reply was not simple at all. It was a simple arrangement of words that communicated a complex expanse of feelings. Ones too complicated for her to understand using the simple sentence. Was it guilt, or was it something else?

She didn’t know what to say. Instead, she stared at him. She stared at him for seconds, which morphed into minutes, and soon, hours. Time had gotten funny while she was at the hospital, especially since Shepard’s detonation of the Crucible had destroyed every synthetic equipment in the galaxy.

She wanted to tell him that she was overjoyed to hear that. That there were so many more prothean ruins she wanted to visit, and that being there with someone who could understand, and tell her what they were, would make it that much easier. Instead, she stared. And he stared back. When she glanced outside again, the sun had set, and she still hadn’t replied.

“Doctor?”

His voice startled her.

“I-I’m honoured that you would want to do this with me, Javik. I know we haven’t really seen eye to eye, and that you most likely think of me as stupid, but I thank you for giving me this opportunity. I promise it will not be wasted.” She spoke faster than she meant to, and she couldn’t meet his gaze. It seemed word-vomiting was one of her talents. That, and embarrassing herself in front of the people most important to her. She could feel herself wring her hands, but couldn’t stop the impulse. 

Why did this always happen to her? All she wanted to do was be good at socially interacting with other people, especially members of different species. Her mind wandered to her first time aboard the Normandy, back when it was the SR1, when she confessed her feelings for Shepard.

How embarrassed she’d felt after that. She imagined Javik felt the same way Shepard did, right about now.

_How do I handle this nervous wreck?_

She wasn’t even nervous. She was simply unused to talking to people. Being Benezia’s daughter, and an aspiring archaeologist tended to do that to you.

Javik’s face twisted into what she interpreted as a smile, but she knew that couldn’t be possible. Javik didn’t smile, even when he told her he was contempt with his current state, he wouldn’t smile.

And yet here it was, the tiniest upward curl of his lips in a smile.

“Shall we start with Therum?” she queried, a shy smile creeping onto her face, too. 

His face contorted for a few seconds as he considered her proposal. It was almost as if he had never heard of the world before, until his eyes lit up and he nodded. “I believe it would be an appropriate place to start.”

“Therum it is, then,” she whispered weakly, feeling her usual exhaustion creeping up on her.  She faintly heard Javik’s voice as she let herself delve into unconsciousness.

_“I will not leave your side.”_

 


	2. Therum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! :]

Nostalgia hit her like a train the moment she set foot on the planet’s reddened surface. The hot air blew across her face, and she closed her eyes, inhaling loudly. The strong smell of sulphur and lava filled her nostrils, but instead of coughing like she had the first time she landed on the planet, she smiled. The small, bubbling sound of lava was almost comforting. The soil crumbled under her feet, sending sand flying and stinging her skin, but she felt like running around laughing.

Except she didn’t run. She still couldn’t – her injuries had left her crippled for months, and now that she could finally stand, she wasn’t going to ruin the chance by taking one wrong step. She twirled instead, arms outstretched and laughter echoing through the small hills surrounding them, enjoying the wistfulness, all the while waiting for Javik to power down the shuttle.

This was the place where her life had begun. This was where Shepard had found her, trapped in a prothean security device, begging for help from everyone and anyone. When she found herself awake, in the middle of the night, alone with her thoughts, she would still sometimes speculate where she would be, had Jane not freed her. Would she have gotten out on her own?

_‘Impossible. I’d be dead. Probably_ ,’ was her usual conclusion, and she would fall asleep, mentally thanking her Commander yet again.

Javik studied the doors to the ruins. They weren’t of prothean make – Liara had specifically chosen a ruin that had already been explored by other archaeologists, to make it safer for their first run. She had no wish to lose her life to an accidental sinkhole before she could discover at least a 1000th of the prothean’s culture. 

She took a hesitant step forward, her hand outstretched toward the ruin. Javik eyed her, face impassable as always, but took the lead and climbed up the stairs to the facility.

The door opened with a hiss and she was met with a gust of cool air. It was much colder inside the cave, and Liara breathed a sigh of relief. She was unaware of how well Protheans dealt with high temperatures, but even she, who preferred hotter climates, had very quickly become uncomfortable out in the open Therum air.

She glanced down at the data pad she was holding. According to her map, the small, underground trail that they were following should lead them to the bulk of the facility they were exploring, but the trail went on for miles. She didn’t understand why the previous archaeologists had not decided to make an entrance closer to the actual ruins.

Javik remained silent the whole walk to the remains of the Prothean facility. She wondered, briefly, if it was because he was remembering his people. Remembering the long-lost beauty of his empire. She would understand, if he was nostalgic. She stays silent too, determined to respect whatever emotional wishes her companion had. 

When they reached the ruin, Liara’s felt as if her breath had been knocked out of her, just like the first time she was here. The tiny path they were walking on suddenly gave way to an enormous underground chamber, its walls, lined with small, brightly lit chambers, towering over them. She squinted, trying to see the end of it. She thought she could spot a small, blinking light. An elevator. She looked up, unable to conceal her awe at how flawless the ruin was. It was spotless.

She walked to one of the small rooms that lined the cave. The walls, almost sterile, were still white. As if frozen in time, out of nature’s reach. There was no decay, practically no dust, and no evidence of the previous archaeologists. Even the old equipment left behind by the Protheans had remained intact.

“The archaeologists have been really careful with this place,” she pointed out, climbing into one of the chambers. “When I first came here, I had no idea these went on for so long. I could only unearth a few that had been conserved under solidified lava.” Javik did not reply. He simply walked with her, fingers tracing the tiled walls of the room and the equipment scattered around the floor. The only remains of his people.

She counted 5 minutes before she would start asking questions, out of simple respect. He was most likely reliving everything. “It must be horrible for me to bring you here,” she finally said. She’d wanted to say it for a while, ever since they’d taken off in the shuttle. Javik turned to face her, his face a blank slate.

“No.”

She wanted to shrug and move on, but she felt she couldn’t. 

“If you’re uncomfortable with this, Javik, if it hurts too much-”

“It does not hurt, Liara T’soni,” he replied, taking a step toward her. She thought she saw him hesitantly reach for her, but he withdrew his hand before she could figure out his intention. “It is good to see that the primitives have respected what remains of my people.” He paused. “And it is good to remember.” The last sentence as spoken so quietly she wasn’t sure he really said what she heard.

In an attempt to ease the tension, she smiled weakly. Then she saw it again. The corners of his lips, curled upward. A tiny smile. She wondered if that was all he was capable of. She cleared her throat, turned her head away from him so she didn’t have to try to discern his facial expressions. Javik was hard to read. He was a walking enigma. She wondered if his whole kind was as complex as he was.

 “It was believed that the whole planet was a Prothean city. Is this true?”

Her voice was so small, she was surprised he even heard the question. His eyes scanned the small room they were in momentarily, before he stepped out and looked out at the gigantic hall. 

“This was not a civilian area,” he answered. “This was a scientific facility. It does cover the whole planet, however.”

“Explains how sterile this place is, I suppose,” she replied, glancing around. He eyed her from where he was standing. From where she was, standing in one of the chambers above him, he looked slightly shorter than her. Maybe one day she’d figure out what it felt like to stand at his level.

“Where our scientists studied the more primitive race,” he continued forcefully, attempting to ignore her interruptions. “Here, it was determined whether or not your kind would be appropriate to,” he paused, as if looking for an appropriate word.

“Enslave?” she finished for him, as bitter as the day he first explained to her the way his empire functioned. He turned to her, squinting as he did when insulted, before he nodded slowly. She tried to conceal her surprise, despite the fact that she knew he could feel her emotions either way, but failed miserably. She hadn’t expected him to admit to perpetrating slavery.

The first step to atonement is acceptance. 

He exhaled, one long breath, before he stepped up to her. With a small movement, he was holding her hand, guiding it toward the equipment. “I am no knowledgeable scholar,” he explained, running her hand over one of the broken digital devices, “but I know that we did experiments on humans, asari, and turians of all kinds here.”

“Did you have living subjects?” She was breathless. Never had Javik touched her before, and she wasn’t sure how to react to the sudden invasion of personal space. He was so close, she could feel his breath on her neck. His voice sounded deeper, from here.

“Yes.”

 “Explains the security devices,” she muttered, stepping forward and running her hand along the tiled walls. She remembered the way the whole world had suddenly shone blue, and in a flash, she had been paralyzed. 

“They were defense mechanisms,” Javik replied, letting go of her hand and taking one step back. She counted – they were now two steps apart. A comfortable distance. So why was her heart still frantically beating? She turned to face him. She knew that he was aware of the effect he had on her. She knew he could read her emotions like an open book. “Only set to activate if your kind escaped. They were paired with your DNA, and would trap them in a stasis field,” Javik finished.

“The protheans really aren’t as romantic as I would have liked,” she mumbled, studying the markings on the table before her. She heard him snort, but didn’t look at him. She couldn’t yet, her heart had just calmed down.

“There is more beauty to the Prothean Empire than our experiments on primitive races,” Javik retorted, tracing the markings with his fingers. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to find something to change the subject.

“What did you want to learn about us?”

Javik froze, before he cleared his throat and took a few steps around the table. “I’m not a scientist. I do not know much. I know we charted human, asari and turian intelligence. We carried out experiments on the salarians and the hanar too, but less. We didn’t believe they would evolve quickly enough for us to care. Your DNA was also fascinating. Dextro or amino, your DNA has two strands.”

She pushed herself off the table, looking at the floor. Despite the pristine and clean look of the ruin, there were still stains on the floor that were unmistakable. “Did anything I would consider horrible happen here?"

“Experiments on live subjects were carried here,” Javik answered in a heartbeat. “Sometimes, we would probe them and watch them carry out their daily lives on their home planets. Sometimes, we would cut them open. Sometimes, we would identify the pain thresholds. That is all I know. I told you I am no scientist, I do not know much about what they did behind closed doors.”

She nodded, reaching into her bag and pulling out her data pad. “I need to note all of this down, Javik. This is going to be wonderful for the book. I believe everyone should see the darker side of the prothean Empire. As ashamed as I am to admit it, we have been romanticizing your kind too much.” Javik snorted again. “I’m thinking we should separate it into different sections regarding your culture? We will have to come up with names soon. I’m thinking making them literal would be alright. Perhaps ‘scientific culture’, or ‘research and development?’”

When he remained quiet, she stopped her rambling. She knew that Shepard often got annoyed when Liara spoke too much, but that was because Shepard dealt in simplicity. There were no maybes with Shepard, and definitely no strings of questions. Liara didn’t know how Javik felt about her endless streams of words. He didn’t seem to mind, but then again, he barely voiced anything but his ever-present annoyance with her. Surely her obsessive rambling didn’t annoy him more than her existence itself. 

“Thank you for doing this,” she said finally, tired of hearing only the small beeping of her typing in the information echoing through the enormous chamber. “I mean it.”

When she looked up, Javik was facing away from her, his hands clasped behind his back. She could see how strongly he was wringing his hands. 

“There is no need for thanks, Liara T’soni.”


	3. Parnack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So many shadow brokers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :]

When Javik mentioned Parnack, Liara froze in the middle of typing up a paragraph on prothean experiments for the novel. “The yahg homeworld?” she asked, wary of facing another one of the creatures ever again. “I heard that the planet was inhabitable before the yahg colonised it. Too much insane wildlife.”

 

“Yahg?” Javik echoed without responding to her statement. She pulled up a holographic projection of one on her screen. If protheans were capable of expressing surprise, she was certain Javik’s face was an exemplar of it the moment he saw the creature. He leaned forward, eyes squinted, mouth hanging slightly open as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

 

Until he laughed.

 

At first, she thought he might be gagging, and if she had to be honest with herself, she couldn’t blame him. The yahg were the most hideous creatures she had ever encountered. The way their faces split into three different parts due to their strangely placed mouths made her feel sick to the stomach. She didn’t want to mention their eyes: little beady soulless pearls. Just the idea of them sent shivers down her spine.

 

But then she realized that the shaking of his shoulders and the strange, repetitive rumbling sound was laughter.

 

“What are _those_?!” he asked through his chuckling. “In my cycle, we didn’t have such hideous creatures, such,” he paused, “abominations.” She sighed, rubbing her face.

 

“We call them the yahg. They started fully developing during our cycle.”

 

“You are scared. Do you have experience with them?” Liara gracefully ignored his blatant invasion of her emotional privacy as she replied:

 

“Shepard and I… encountered one, back before I became the Shadow Broker.”

 

“Interesting,” Javik mused. “Tell me more.”

 

She leaned back into her chair, feeling her cheeks heat up. She wasn’t used to Javik being interested in anything she lived through.

 

“Well, the Shadow Broker had my friend, a drell named Feron, in captivity. He was captured right after I gave Shepard’s body to Cerberus, and I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. Then, in return for giving them Shepard, Cerberus found some intel on him and gave it to me. It turned out that the Shadow Broker had been torturing Feron for two years straight,” she explained with a shudder. “But I digress. The Shadow Broker was actually one of these creatures,” she pointed at the projection, “a yahg.”

 

When Javik remained silent, she continued speaking.

 

“The moment Shepard laid eyes on the thing, she started laughing. You know the Commander, she doesn’t laugh often, so you can imagine how speechless Garrus and I were. Especially since it was the first time we saw her laugh so hard.” She smiled, remembering the tears of laughter streaming down Shepard’s usually stern face. “Of course, while Shepard was busy laughing, the old Shadow Broker was speaking to us, trying to intimidate us out of fighting with him. I said a few offensive things to him, and the next thing we know, he’s throwing his desk at Shepard. I would have been dead had he not missed and knocked out Garrus instead. That really angered Shepard.” She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with two fingers.

 

“How did you offend a creature such as this?” Javik asked, gesturing toward the holo of the yahg.

 

“I pretended to know everything about him, but really, I’d only read a few emails sent from the Shadow Broker to a smuggler. It turned out that most of my deductions had been correct, and it upset him.”

 

“So you fought him.”

 

“It took a long time, they have such incredible regenerative capabilities, you can’t believe, Javik. Better than a Krogan. And this one had an omni-tool, and a machine gun, and a shield, and a,” she paused, “I’m not sure what it was. It was another shield of some sort, but it also left him completely paralyzed. Shepard had to punch him out of it.”

 

“You managed to kill it?”

 

She looked down at the floor. “Yes, we did. That’s how I became the Shadow Broker. I heard all these different sources of information, all these different _people_ asking for confirmation that the Shadow Broker was still there. It almost caused a panic. So I took his place.” She sighed. “I could never have done this without Shepard’s help. When I really think about it, I owe her everything.”

 

Another small rumble of laughter came from behind her. “Primitives.”

 

She frowned, shoving him with her shoulder. “These _primitives_ are also the reason you’re alive without fear of the Reapers, Mr. Javik.”

 

He glanced down at her, that hint of a smile playing on his lips. She thought it looked endearing, but she would never tell him. She knew he could tell how she felt without her wording it either way. He could probably read everything she was feeling. In fact, Liara was sure that he aware of how fascinated she was with him.

 

If one looked hard enough, they would be able to notice the way Javik’s gaze softened when he looked at his pouting companion. What nobody would be able to tell, however, was that Javik had never seen a shade of purple prettier than Liara’s cheeks when she was upset with him. It also happened when she was embarrassed. And it was the most beautiful colour he had ever seen.

 

“The Reapers spared _this_ species?” Javik queried, clearing his throat and placing one hand next to hers, firmly planted against the desk. He leaned on it to take a closer look at the holographic projection of the yahg, a snarl curling its face.

 

“They are still a, as you call it, primitive species, so yes, their home planet was left untouched.”

 

Javik studied the image of the yahg for a while, giving her the opportunity to take a closer look at his skin. The way the pigments flowed into each other was fascinating. It was like a bird’s eye view of a ball, all of the colours melding into each other, twisting, merging, dancing. No other species had such complex skin colour, and it was incredible. He chuckled again, and leaned away from her.

 

“If the Reapers have left the planet untouched, then the ruins should be fine.”

 

“The yahg are incredibly aggressive creatures,” Liara retorted, raising her hand in protest, “Shepard and I could barely take _one_ down. I admit, that one was heavily armed, but I saw one take out an entire platoon of Cerberus men on Sur’kesh with its bare hands. Claws. Whatever. If we base our combined strength on Shepard’s, I do not believe we will be able to face more than one at a time. This is their _homeworld_ we’re talking about, and the yahg are not solitary creatures.”

 

Her companion simply shrugged. “It is worth a try, Dr. T’soni.”

 

*

 

“I _told_ you!” she called out as she jumped over a tree trunk, barely managing not to slip on the moss covering it. “I told you we wouldn’t just face one! There’s at least a dozen out there!”

 

“Just run, asari!” Javik answered from where he was, running ahead of her. If she’d paid attention, at that time, she would have noticed the amusement in his voice. He was having more fun than his serious demeanour let on. But Liara was not paying attention, because a roar echoed between the trees behind her, and all she wanted to do was run as far as possible.

 

“Dr. Tsoni,” Glyph’s synthetic voice erupted from behind her, making her jump out of her own skin. “I am detecting signs of 6 hostile life forms behind you.”

 

“Thank you, Glyph,” she replied, running as fast as she could through the thick jungle without compromising her safety. “This ruin better be worth it.”

 

She lost track of how long they ran for. She simply kept her eyes glued to Javik’s back as he ran. To the way his guns swung in their holsters and the way his muscle moved underneath the armour. She never understood the shape of it – what was meant to protect him from harm left a lot of his skin out in the open. Something an enemy could surely exploit; especially the Reapers.

 

Suddenly, Javik slowed down, and she ran right into him. Stumbling forward, she placed her hands flat on his back and pushed. “We have to get back to the shuttle!” she hissed, using all of her strength to force him to walk forward. Javik turned around, slapping her hands away from his body. “Wait,” he ordered, before kneeling on the floor.

  
He pushed the piles fallen leaves out of the way, and uncovered a flat expanse of land. One that looked to be crafted by other species than the yahg themselves. “This is a landing pad,” Javik explained. “We are close.”

 

“Close?” she shrieked, still distantly hearing the yahgs’ roars. “We should come back some other time. When they are somewhere else. _Not_ attacking us.”

 

Javik snorted.

 

“The abominations have lost our trail. Do not worry.”

 

She didn’t understand how he knew. Most likely pheromones – that’s always what he said when she asked how he knew what she was feeling, so why would it be different for yahg? She glanced at him. He was tracing the different tiles on the floor, calm as a varren lying in the afternoon sun after a good meal.

 

She, on the other hand, tried to calm down. She really did. Yet no matter what technique she used, her breathing remained frantic, and she could feel the hot waves of anxiety running down her back, down her arms, to the tip of her fingers. She’d never get over how terrifying these creatures were.

 

“I hope the site is still there,” she mumbled, taking one step closer to him. For some reason, it felt a little bit safer.

 

“It will be,” was his simple answer.

 

And it was.

 

They walked for another few miles before it came into sight. The artefact was enormous, towering over the both of them, blocking out the sunlight in a wide arc under it.

 

“Is this another beacon?” she asked, giving up on concealing her awe. This was the most beautifully preserved prothean site she had seen, for now. It seemed as if the yahg collectively avoided this place, too. No signs of their destruction anywhere. Javik nodded, a slight dip of his head.

 

“It is.”

 

“I wish I were Shepard. So I could know what was inside.”

 

“This one is the same as the rest. A warning against the Reapers. But there is more information on them. There always is. Perhaps we will find more information on our artistic culture, this time.”

 

“You had these placed all over?”

 

“They were constantly broadcasting messages that the Protheans were not going to win against the Reapers,” Javik explained, his face impassable. “There was no hope for us.”

 

Liara turned to face him. “And yet here you are.”

 

Javik scoffed, made to turn away, but she prevented him by grabbing his arm. “If I recall correctly, you told me that if one asari was left standing after our fight with the Reapers, that we would be victorious. I believe the same applies to the protheans, don’t you?”

 

Liara firmly believed what she meant. That much, Javik knew. _Lies are easy to detect._

 

What she didn’t know was that Javik had never been honest with her. He had not believed that speech. If only one asari was left standing, like he was, they would not feel victorious. One prothean was left standing, but had they really won the fight? No, he felt like the final insult to his people, unable to continue their bloodline and unable to honour them as he should.

 

But Liara did not need to know that.

 

“I believe so.”


	4. Nodacrux

As they walked to the ruin hidden between the great, green hills of Nodacrux, Liara exhaled heavily through her breather helmet as she tried to come up with something to talk to her companion about. From the way Javik tensed up, she realized that the sound must have come through the comm and burst into his ear. 

“Sorry,” she said, quietly. He shook his head, not giving her the privilege of receiving a worded reply after she’d temporarily ruined his ability to hear. She sighed, glancing up at the hills towering over them. There was so much unexplored land on this planet that she was grateful for being the shadow broker. The position of this particular ruin was small, almost invisible, and it had taken a few run-throughs by her agents to find it. 

They walked in silence, which was something she wasn’t used to. She was used to walking with Shepard and Garrus, who would often talk to each other when the threat of enemies was not impending. If nobody was in the mood to talk, Shepard would talk to herself. Liara remembered fighting to take the Normandy back from the Commander’s clone, how Shepard had been muttering to herself the entire elevator ride down to the shuttle bay about how the clone would pay for messing with her hamster.

She smiled to herself. She missed Shepard. She missed the random messages the Commander sent to her crew. She missed seeing Shepard every morning, chowing down on a bowl of cereal, all the while putting on her clothes. She would wake up so early, sometimes Liara would walk out of her room and find the Commander doing sit-ups in the middle of the common area.

She shook her head slightly, trying to get the images of Shepard out of her head. Mourning her now was not helping.

“You are reminiscing.”

Javik’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She couldn’t help but glare at him. “I was thinking of the Commander,” she replied curtly. “And I would rather you stopped reading into my emotions.”

She heard him sigh over the comm, before he moved closer to her. “I cannot. It is as natural as breathing is to you.” She looked away from him, unable to find a retort. “You think of the Commander a lot.”

She considered Javik’s statement. She knew he would be able to tell If she lied to him, so she simply shrugged. “Shepard was very important to me.”

“More than important.” He seemed almost bitter, the smallest drop of venom seeping into his words. “Your pheromones indicated that you had strong feelings of attachment for the Commander.”

She stopped walking, the bite in his words too strong for her not to feel insulted. “I do not-” she paused, trying to compose herself before she ended up aggressing him like she did back on the Normandy. Shepard wasn’t here to stop them this time. She took one deep breath before continuing. “I no longer have feelings for her. What you felt in my pheromones must have been our joining of minds. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Javik studied her for a moment. She could feel the heat creeping up her cheeks. It always happened when she was angry. Even when she was simply irritated, her cheeks would turn a bright purple. She hated that about herself. Being impassable was something she needed as an information broker. Her cheeks had never helped her cause.

“It is true,” she said, when Javik did not speak again. “I think of her a lot. Perhaps it is a little more than I would like to admit. It’s hard to forget a person as incredible as she is. Was.” She tried to prevent her voice from quivering at the last word, but she knew it was futile.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed the way he fiddled with a strap on his armour, as if he was nervous. Was it even possible for Javik to feel anything other than pride and anger?

“Perhaps she is not dead.”

She scoffed. “Perhaps she isn’t. I assume I would be one of the first to find out if she was. I am the Shadow Broker, after all.” She knew she was wrong. Her whole network of information relied on working synthetic equipment, which, after Shepard had detonated the Crucible, were in short supply. She barely had enough connections to know what was happening on each Council home world.

 “You require assistance in thinking about something else.”

She snorted, leaning in so her shoulder brushed with Javik’s as she started walking again. “I think discovering prothean ruins one after the other is taking my mind off of her just fine, Javik.” Her companion did not reply. They walked for another few minutes in silence before she turned to face him again.

“Thank you, for trying to help,” she said quietly. Javik nodded, letting his arm brush against hers.

A sign of peace.

Another few minutes walked in silence and she spotted it. The tip of a prothean pyramid. A small smile lit up her features and she ran the rest of the way, forgetting how loud her breathing was to Javik, who simply winced the entire remainder of the walk.

She didn’t know that, although his ears were suffering, he greatly enjoyed seeing her so excited about something that previously belonged to his empire. Passion like hers was hard to find, even in his cycle. She rushed on ahead of him, tripping over her own feet as she ran down the hill. Unlike the other pyramids that she’d encountered while exploring the galaxy with Shepard, this one was entirely intact, and it was _breath-taking_.

“What are these facilities? I saw a lot of them, back on the first Normandy. They often held prothean data drives, but we could never decipher them,” she said. He walked forward until he stood two steps away from her. She turned around, wanting to face him when he spoke, only to jump back slightly at their proximity. Feeling her cheeks heat up from embarrassment, she quickly looked away. Staring at anything but him seemed like the best way to deal with her feelings.

He, on the other hand, stepped forward and reached out, placing his hand flat against the surface of the pyramid. Their shoulders brushed.

He still hadn’t answered her question. 

“Javik?”

She heard him inhale deeply before he pushed himself away from the wall and circled around the building. She didn’t follow him – he didn’t seem to be in the mood for speaking, and she could wait. The weather was lovely, and the toxicity level was bearable thanks to the suits she acquired through her status as the Shadow Broker. Instead, she studied the markings running along the bottom of the pyramid. They looked to be of the prothean language, but she didn’t know enough of it to make out more than the few odd words.

“Security,” she whispered to herself.

“Dr. T’soni,” Glyph spoke up, startling her. 

“Yes, Glyph?”

“I have found a contraption of unknown origin. My estimates are that it is of prothean make.”

She followed the holographic virtual intelligence around the building. Javik was kneeling before a small cube, sticking out of the ground. The blue lines running along its surface were unmistakably of prothean origin.

“What is this?” she asked.

Javik looked up from the device, his lips quirked in a smirk. “We used these to attract the asari, salarians, hanar.”

“You’re lying,” she deadpanned, dropping to the floor next to him. “You have to be joking.” She pulled out a datapad, readying it for note taking. “Now tell me what this really is.”

“I am not joking, asar- Dr. T’soni,” he retorted, and she suppressed a smile at the way he corrected himself. Despite his inability, and, if she had to be honest with herself, unwilllingness to adapt, Javik was learning. “This place,” he gestured toward the pyramid, “was what you would consider a slaughterhouse. It was where we would kill salarians, hanar, and sometimes, even asari and turian.”

She stared at him with eyes she knew were too wide, and he simply shrugged, looking back down at the cubic contraption. She began typing up the information, unable to believe what she was hearing. “These would emit signals that were,” he paused, “attractive, to the primitive species.”

“I cannot believe this. You used _mating_ _calls_?”

He looked away from her. “No. You simply are curious creatures.”

She mumbled to herself as she typed up the information, almost disappointed in the information she was getting. Until he laughed, again, and she glanced up to find him covering his mouth with a hand. “What’s so funny?” she queried, placing the data pad on her lap.

“I am joking, Dr. T’soni,” he confessed. “This was not a slaughter house.”

Irritated was the least one could use to describe Liara at that moment. She picked up the data pad and flung it in his general direction. The equipment bounced off his head with a satisfying sound, but he continued laughing. Annoyance flaring, made worse by the fact that she _knew_ he could tell that she was angry, she stood up and smacked him on the head again. “Goddess, Javik, I can’t write this book if I can’t trust the information you’re giving me!”

He chuckled for a little while longer, waiting for her to calm down. She paced around his seated form, trying her hardest not to assault the man in her irritation. “This was a bunker,” he explained finally. “In our cycle, we did not have time or resources to spare in order to protect the women and children who were unable to fight.”

“So you brought them to facilities like these?”

“Yes,” he replied. Liara could have sworn he sounded wistful. But she didn’t want to push her luck.

“Then what is the cube for?” she asked, gesturing toward the object protruding from the ground. 

“It is a VI interface,” he answered, smiling slightly as she sat back down next to him and picked up the fallen datapad. The small tinkling of the device was the chorus to his words. “They acted like key-cards do to you. They were programmed to recognize prothean DNA, and only open this,” he gestured toward the pyramid, “for us.”

A small frown creased her forehead as she typed away, her tongue trapped between her teeth. He never thought he would ever find someone to be so… cute.

“Of course,” he continued, “it became a problematic defence mechanism when the Reapers turned our own against us. The creatures that you refer to as ‘collectors’ were recognized as friendly. Everyone hiding in these facilities were killed before our scientists could change the VI programming.”

It felt as if a blanket of snow had just fallen over her. Liara stared at Javik, knowing full well that her jaw was hanging open, before she shut it with an audible click as her teeth collided. “I’m sorry,” she said finally, her head hanging. She didn’t know what else she could say. There was no way she could

Javik, on the other hand, tapped his chin with a finger. “I suppose there are benefits to being as primitive as you.”

Liara snorted. “We still use virtual intelligences,” she retorted. “Just not in the same way you did.”

“We did not trust them.”

Liara glanced up at him for a fraction of a second, before going back to typing. “You saw what Shepard accomplished by trusting synthetics. Despite the geth now being completely gone, we couldn’t have won this war without them." He didn’t have a reply, and she spoke up again before he could think of one. “I wonder if that makes you more primitive than we are.”

He scoffed, insulted that she would compare his people to hers. What was hidden in his silence, however, was that he agreed with her. There were many things in this cycle that made him feel like his people had seen the world in the entirely wrong fashion. But he would never admit it. His empire was still superior, no matter how he looked at it.

He watched as she typed up the rest of her notes, before she turned back to stare at the pyramid, wonder etched on her face.

He realised, at that moment, that he wanted to see her wear that expression more often.


	5. Ontarom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feels start to blossom

“Dr. T’soni,” Javik called out as he knocked on her hotel door. She was in the process of trying to acquire a ship, in the hopes that they wouldn’t have to travel around in shuttles any longer than they would have to. With the way the repairs had gone after Shepard’s victory, there were only a few ships available for sale, since most of the resources had been saved to reinstate medical equipment, as well as to acquire food. Most of the remaining ships were now being used to transfer refugees back to their home worlds.

 

With a small sigh, she asked Glyph to open the door for her.

 

It was only when she heard the quiet hiss of the door closing that she turned around to face him, her head in her hands as she worked the frustration out of her by massaging her temples. “Ontarom,” is how Javik greeted her. She quirked a brow, letting her hands drop down to her lap and glancing back at the holographic screen of her computer.

 

“There are Prothean ruins on Ontarom?” she queried. She didn’t remember there being any on that planet. “I thought it was in the very early stages of life – meant to remain undisturbed.”

 

“It is,” he replied bluntly, crossing his arms. “But right now that does not matter to the rest of the galaxy. I want to go there.”

 

She smiled, resting her chin against her palm. He was so straightforward with her , he had never lied to her, and  yet she could barely figure out his intentions. Javik being evasive was putting it lightly.

 

She turned back to face her computer. She would have to look into the list of ruins she’d acquired once again. She didn’t remember Ontarom being one of them, but Javik seemed insistent. “Well, let’s set the next course for Ontarom then.”

 

He did not thank her. He simply nodded, turned on his heel and walked away, back to his own room.

 

*

  
The sky was blue on Ontarom.

 

It had been a while since she’d seen a planet that resembled Thessia. It had been even longer since she’d stood on one. She looked around, unable to contain the smile spreading across her face. The grass was green, the oxygen breathable, more so than the first time she’d visited, and the sky. She inhaled shakily.

 

Such a beautiful blue.

 

She couldn’t stop looking up at it. Even walking along the rolling, green hills under the gentle sunlight, she was looking up at the sky the colour of her mother’s skin. She tripped over her own feet a lot, but didn’t care. She ignored Javik’s soft scoffs when she did. She felt like she was stepping foot into a park, Benezia at her side, playfully warning her not to ruin the scenery with her digging. Nostalgia seemed to be a lingering feeling during their travels. She would have to get used to it.

 

“Is there really a ruin here?” she queried once her eyes started burning from looking up at the sunlight.

 

“No,” Javik answered simply. She stopped walking, too surprised to say anything for a few seconds. When he noticed that she wasn’t following him anymore, he turned around, something akin to a question on his face. She couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling past her lips, and she quickly covered her face.

 

“Why are we here, then?” she asked, between her small chuckles. When she looked back at him, her hands dropping back to her side, a single, white flower in between the tall blades of grass caught her eye. “Javik!” She pressed a hand against her chest in mock-surprise, but she knew she was honestly shocked. “Do you want to spend time with me?”

 

He didn’t reply. Instead, he looked away, so she took the opportunity to bend down and pluck the distracting flower from the ground. It would live for a while if she took care of it enough. Then it would crumble, become the remains of what was once beautiful.

 

She decided to keep it. It was an appropriate metaphor for Thessia.

 

She twirled it between her thumb and forefinger when Javik approached her. A flash of white caught her eye, and she glanced down, at the hand that was the only obstruction between her and her companion. He was handing her another one of the flowers.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question, Javik,” she stated, but took it anyways, bringing it up to her nose. It didn’t have a smell, unlike the flowers back on Thessia, but she was grateful for the gesture either way. Grateful and pleasantly surprised. It was the first time Javik had shown her any signs of affection.

 

She hoped he could sense it, this time. The way his action had sent her heart into a fluttering mess. The way her stomach churned when she looked back up at him.

 

She _wanted_ him to feel it.

 

What _he_ wanted, on the other hand, was for Liara to feel safe once more. He knew Ontarom was one of the few terrestrial worlds that had been untouched by the Reapers. It resembled Thessia, back in his cycle. But he wasn’t about to let her know what he felt. It would be blackmail material for one of their future arguments. He knew it.

 

She glanced down at the floor again, feeling her cheeks heat up. She needed to change the subject before the fluttering in her stomach, that currently felt like a bunch of butterflies, started feeling like a  horde of bees. 

 

When she looked back a the flower, an idea struck her. “Wait here!” she told Javik, resting a hand lightly on his forearm. He looked down at it, before eyeing her with curiosity.

 

“What is it, Dr. T’soni?”

 

“Liara,” she absentmindedly corrected him as she studied their surroundings.

 

“What?”

 

She paused. “What?” she echoed.

 

Javik shook his head, taking a few steps away from her. “You just said your own name.”

 

She glanced at him. “I don’t remember doing that.” She then ordered him to sit down while she picked more flowers. “Shepard showed me how to do this,” she explained, sitting down next to him once she had an armful of the white blossoms. “She would link these like so.” She bit her lip as she carefully connected the flowers into a circular shape.

  
After a while of fiddling with the flowers, she lifted her final product and carefully reached over to place it on Javik’s head. Although he glared at her, he did not move away, even when her fingers grazed his forehead. When that was done, she pulled back, admiring her handiwork.

 

“What is this?” Javik asked, his tone all but irritated.

 

“Humans call them ‘flower crowns’. I find it is a nice tradition.”

 

“Primitives,” Javik mumbled, bracing his chin against his palm. “In my cycle, we didn’t have time for such trivialities.”

 

She laughed, leaning over and adjusting the crown just a tiny bit. She didn’t want to admit it, but he looked almost _cute_ wearing it. She was also fiddling with it so she could brush her hands against his head once more. She shook her head. Of course she wasn’t. It would get to Javik’s head. It probably was, already.

 

But the rough feel of his skin was more pleasant than she thought possible.

 

“Well, we do now,” she replied. “We have time for them thanks to these ‘primitives’,” she winked, “so enjoy them.”

 

He grumbled a reply along the lines of ‘ _I do not need a “flower crown” to enjoy my time’_ , but did not argue further.

 

She conjured up her omni-tool, and snapped a few quick shots of Javik, looking disgruntled and protesting in all of them, but wearing the flower crown nonetheless. She wasn’t ever going to tell him, but she knew that, a few days from now, she would look back at them with fondness.

 

Yes, she would cherish this moment.

 

“Time to make myself one of these,” she said, feeling her chest swelling at the memory of Shepard making one out of daisies for her. One of the steps to letting go was to enjoy the memories, rather than mourn them.

 

As she picked her own set of flowers, she missed the way Javik’s hand reached up and traced, as lightly as possible to prevent it from breaking, along the numerous flowers that made up the ‘crown’. A small smile made its way to his face, and his hand dropped back down into his lap.

 

Liara was happy, and currently, it was all he wanted.


	6. Xawin

Liara finally managed to procure them a scouting vessel, abandoned a few years before the war against the Reapers. It had been well taken care of, despite being so old. It also allowed them to live while traveling, no longer forced to stop after each of their trips at a hotel. It provided them with a kitchen, with showers and with separate living quarters. She had also asked for something akin to a living room to be placed on the ship, too, so she could feel a little more at home.

They often spent time together in the makeshift living room, sitting side by side on the couch as he read up on the primitive species of the galaxy, and she wrote the book.

That particular night, she was stretched out on the couch when Javik approached her. Out of courtesy, she folded her legs, allowing him to sit next to her. His hip pressed against her shins when he sat down, but she didn’t mind the physical contact. The ship was so small, they couldn’t walk past each other in the small halls without brushing shoulders or chests. They’d gotten used to it, by now.

Since he did not pull out a data pad and start reading, she waited for him to greet her in the usual straightforward way.

“I want to show you something, Dr. T’soni,” he said, after a moment of silence. She glanced up from her draft.

“What is it?”

“I cannot describe it without you seeing it.” He paused. “May I set our destination to Xawin?”

She sat up, pulling her legs away from him and placing her feet flat on the floor. “Isn’t that planet completely frozen over? What ruins are there?”

“They’re not ruins per se,” Javik answered, rubbing his forehead. If Liara knew any better, she would think that he was nervous. In fact, she was pretty certain he was nervous, but she wasn’t going to let it affect her. She could already feel her cheeks heat up.

“You don’t have to ask me where to set our next course,” she finally said, placing her datapad down on the couch between them. A mental barrier. “You can just do it.”

“I wanted to make sure that we have the necessary supplies to survive the cold,” he replied, pushing himself off the couch. “But I will set the course.”

“Thank you, Javik. I’m excited to see what you have to show me, this time,” she said, letting a sly smile pull her lips upward. He looked back at her, his usual glare returning in full force. She chuckled, waving her hand dismissively.

“I truly am.”

Javik did not reply. Instead, he turned on his heel, leaving her alone in the small common room. Her smile died down, and with a sigh, she returned to drafting the book. It was only when she felt the ship shift course that she let herself smile dumbly again.

*

As they flew into the frozen planet’s atmosphere, the winds shook the walls of the aged ship, and Liara wondered, for a few seconds, whether her supplier wanted to kill her. There was no way that the ship would survive the blizzard they were flying into. She tried to talk Javik out of it, to wait until the blizzard was over, but he would hear none of it.

It cannot wait, he would say, as she desperately clung to her seatbelt.

They landed, albeit with a lot of trouble, on an expanse of land flat enough for the entire ship. She wrapped herself in as much clothing as possible, including two pairs of scarves, three different types of gloves, as well as three layers of protective underwear wrapped around her legs. She would not freeze to death on this planet. She refused to do it.

Javik, on the other hand, contented himself with one coat, heavier armour and heavier boots. She watched, awed, as he opened the door to the shuttle bay and stepped out, shielding his eyes against the wind.

“It is this way,” he screamed over the howling wind, pointing in what seemed like a general direction to her. All she could see was white, with small specks of blue where the shape of the mountains was slightly visible through the blizzard. She nodded, knowing she would not be able to speak loud enough for him to hear.

He led her for what felt like miles of trudging through thick snow. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying her best not to let her teeth chatter too much. She should have brought a hat, too, she realized the moment she had to reach up and clamp her hands over her crest. Javik simply walked in front of her, as if unfazed by the temperature. It was only when they reached his destination – what looked like a cave – that Javik released an uneasy breath and rubbed his arms. Not that Liara would notice.

The moment they stepped into the cave, the sound of the wind suddenly seemed distant.

“A backup generator?” she asked, looking back a the barrier that had formed between them and the outside.

“Yes,” Javik answered.

“I didn’t think you would be able to colonise this planet,” she stated, walking up to the cave’s frozen wall and dragging one finger against it. She studied the condensation on her finger as Javik continued walking.

“We didn’t. We owned this planet, but only criminals who escaped the law would come here.” She laughed, the sound of it bouncing against the walls of the cave, making her sound like an entire chorus of people.

“There were fugitives with your legal systems?” she asked, once the noise died down. “I’m surprised Javik. From the way you make it sound, your kind was ruthless to those who opposed the rules.”

He turned around, glaring at her. “I said those who escaped the law. By escaping the law, they escaped our justice, too.”

She scoffed, thinking back to the comments he made about the Ardat Yakshi. “How come you know of this location then?”

The hall was getting progressively darker. She could barely see Javik’s outline.

“This is the place where one particular criminal ran away,” Javik explained. She walked forward, trying to follow his voice.

Not seeing him allowed for her to notice other things in his voice. Like the fact that he seemed almost absent minded. She wondered what was going on in that complicated head of his. He was a living puzzle, it was very hard to tell what he was feeling. Especially since the protheans did not seem to have evolved much in terms of body language and facial expressions. “He lived here for 5 years before we found him. Of course, he was dead by then. There was no food on this planet, so it was paradoxical for him to have lived that long. Either way, he left behind,” Javik paused. “Well, you will see.”

With that, they reached the end of the cave. Whereas the rest of it had been cramped, in Liara’s standards, the end of it was a large, open space. It was so dark, she could barely see. She let Javik guide her with his voice.

 _Is this what it feels like to be blind?_ she wondered. Then again, she was already blind. Blindly following Javik through the expanse of the now ruined galaxy, hoping to discover more than was possible for anyone else. She heard Javik tamper around with what she assumed was leftover equipment, when suddenly the room lit up, and her jaw dropped.

She hadn’t realised, but she was standing in the middle of the large chamber. It curved around her, the walls leading up in an arch to the ceiling, where a small contraption that she didn't recognise was sitting. Javik cleared his throat and her gaze snapped to him. He was fiddling with a command console, one that she knew from her numerous digs. When Javik looked back at her, almost expectant, she didn't know what to look at.

Until, around her, the air seemed to come to life. First, a small tendril of blue wrapped itself around her. She reached out to touch it, only for her fingers to go straight through it. It slithering over her skin, wrapping her up in bright blue light. She felt a smile spread on her face before she could do anything to stop it. She didn't want to stop it. Soon, green had joined the blue, and the colours danced together, a slow dance, the tendrils twisting, shifting, sliding against each other. She twirled with the lights, giggling as they follower her movements, bathing her in their blue and green glow.

Soon, more colours started joining the first two dancers. Yellow, pink, purple, orange, all of them uniting, forming a miniature representation of what she could only describe as a nebula.

“This- what is this?” she asked, reaching up at the lights again. This time, they moved away from her, as if playfully evading the touch of her fingers.

“It is art,” Javik answered quietly. “I told you that one of the outlaws ran away here. This is his legacy.”

“You used projections?” Liara breathed, unable to process what was happening in front of her. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else use this.”

“It was uncommon, even for our cycle,” Javik answered. She laughed over his answer, twirling when the lights dipped down and danced around her again. “He inspired millions of our kind.”

Liara stopped her movements to glance up at him from under thick lashes. “You always make it sound like there was only war during your cycle. But this sort of thing existed? Maybe your kind really was as romantic as I would have liked it to be.” She reached up to try and touch the lights again. Of course, she would never be able to, but she enjoyed the way the light bounced off her skin, turning her orange, purple, green, yellow. It was beautiful.

“I told you that there was more beauty to our cycle than the scientific experiments we carried out, Dr. T’soni.”

“Liara,” she corrected again. This time it was voluntary, but she tried to make it seem like she was too preoccupied with the artwork to delve into it too deep.

He remained quiet as she took photos and recorded the movement of the lights using her omni-tool. "It's things like these that will bring your empire back to life," she said. "People will honour this. Artists will use this as inspiration. Your empire will live forever if word that you were capable of such wonderful things." She heard Javik snort, but paid no mind to it. 

"This is beautiful," she finally said.

“So are you,” Javik replied, quietly.

Liara continued her note-taking, oblivious to the alien watching her.

She didn’t hear him.

Not yet.


	7. Fill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard wakes up.

They’d decided to spend the night on Ontarom again, camping. One of the reasons she wanted to go was because it reminded her of home – to be able to see the stars again, especially – but she would be lying if she said that it wasn’t to spend time with Javik either. Spending their nights sitting side by side but ignoring each other’s presence was getting increasingly difficult as her feelings for him blossomed.

Indeed, Liara was getting attached to Javik.

They ate in silence, wrapped up in blankets, trying their best to keep the fire going. For people who had lived through war, twice, in Javik’s case, they’d proved to be terrible at the basics of survival.

As time passed, and the silence continued, Liara was getting increasingly more uncomfortable. Whereas Javik seemed content with staring into the fire, she was slightly unsettled by the way he was so heavily concentrated on the burning logs. She cleared her throat shyly, trying to catch his attention. When he did not budge, nor give her any indication that he’d heard her, she shuffled closer to him, dragging the blankets along.

It was only when their shoulders brushed that he finally looked away from the fire and at her. “What is it, Dr. T’soni?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual. He looked so at peace, she suddenly felt almost guilty to disturb him.

“I have a personal question,” she said. “You speak of your cycle, of your people, of the general entirety of your Empire, but you never speak about yourself.” Javik grunted, adjusting his position. His arm brushed against her blanketed one and her breath hitched.

 _Why?_ She asked her hormones. _Why do you do this to me?_

“There is nothing to speak of,” Javik replied after settling down, his hand dangerously close to hers. She glanced down at it, before lifting hers and placing it on top of her knee. A more comfortable distance.

“No family? A wife, or children to speak of?”

Javik gave her a look that could only be interpreted as pure disbelief. “I was born and bred for war, Dr. T’soni.” Of course he was – he’d explained it to Shepard too. He was born during the Reaper attack, and had fought against it his entire life. “I had no time for family.”

“You must’ve done something to clear your mind from the Reapers. Catching some shore leave, something like that. No one can fight endlessly,” she retorted, rubbing her legs in a weak attempt to get rid of the cold.

He sighed. “No.”

“No wonder you’re so bitter,” she mumbled. He growled.

“We had gatherings to honour the dead, asari, and that was it.” His tone was harsh, unforgiving, but she wouldn’t have it.

“It’s Liara,” she retorted. Her omni-tool buzzed and she glanced down at it. A call from the Alliance. It could wait. “And I can’t believe you didn’t entertain yourself.”

“I admit, the days spent not fighting were bland,” he replied, his own eyes shifting to the flashing icon above her wrist. She moved closer to him, a fraction of an inch.

“What would you be doing right now, if you weren’t out exploring with me?”

He glanced back at the fire, his mouth opening and closing a few times. I would be dead, he wanted to reply. Her omni-tool distracted her again before he had the chance to speak again. He watched as she read the message, a crease of irritation on her forehead, until her whole face blanked out and she stared, eyes devoid of emotion, at the small, holographic screen hovering over her forearm.

He felt it all. The fluctuation in her emotion from relief, to sadness, to anger, to fear. She let her hands fall back to her lap and stared, blankly, at the fire.

“Shepard,” she whispered. “She’s alive.”

“After this long?” he queried, looking down at his own omni-tool. It had been a little bit over 2 years since their victory against the Reapers.

“I believe this is the first time they managed to contact me,” Liara replied, obviously unsure what to do with her hands as her fists clenched and relaxed in an almost rhythmical fashion. “Or they may have been hiding her survival to keep her safe while she recovered. Surely, as the Shadow Broker, I should have known about this.” She paused. “But with my network being so weak, it is hard to tell.”

Javik did not reply. He simply watched as she typed back a hasty reply, her eyes brimming with tears.

“We should go see her,” she said, her voice laced with heavy emotion, and he nodded.

The second step to letting go was acceptance.

*

The hospital was cleaner than they expected. The repairs on Earth had been the most extensive, what with having all the different races trapped in the Solar System. They walked through the endless halls, following a nervous nurse, who was giggling and speaking too quietly for her own good.

Liara tried to listen to her ramblings, but she simply couldn’t. She was too preoccupied. Shepard was somewhere in this hospital. Alive. Behind one of these closed doors.

The nurse led them to one of the most heavily protected wards in the entire facility. The door slid open with a quiet hiss and Liara forgot how to breathe.

Shepard wasn’t lying down, unconscious, like she had expected her to be. She was awake, sitting up against a pile of pillows and looking out the window. A wine bottle and a few flowers had been placed on the table next to her.

She didn’t seem to hear them enter. Her hair had grown longer than usual, brushing her shoulders. The nurse cleared her throat and Shepard came back to the present with a visible jolt.

“Jesus,” the woman mumbled, before turning to face them. When she noticed Liara, her eyes widened, and before the nurse could object, Shepard had thrown the blankets off of herself and was charging, at full speed, toward Liara.

Liara caught her friend in a bone crushing hug, both of them laughing harder than should have been possible, especially for the Commander. Shepard slapped her on the back heavily. “Liara, I never thought I’d see you again.”

“I thought you were dead,” Liara replied, wrapping her arms around Shepard in another hug. “Goddess, Shepard. I really thought you were dead. It’s been two years.”

Shepard turned away. “I thought I was, too, to be honest. I believe this is the second time I’ve been brought back to life.”

The nurse tried to correct her, claiming that Shepard was simply in a coma and they didn’t want anyone disturbing her, but she was ignored. Shepard walked back to her bed and sat down on it with a heavy sigh.

“Can’t even walk,” the woman mumbled, before glancing back up at Liara. “Didn’t your network tell you I was alive? I knew they kept my survival hidden, for security purposes, and mostly because I wasn’t really alive, but,” she paused, “you have spies everywhere.”

“My network has been significantly weaker since all synthetic equipment was destroyed by the crucible,” Liara answered. “It’s slowly coming back to me, but,” she paused, looking down at the floor, “a lot of my agents gave up their lives during the war.”

Shepard clicked her tongue, before she glanced at Javik. “Liara?” the woman queried, her eyes never leaving the prothean. “Could you get me a glass of water and some food? I’m starving, this hospital really doesn’t want me going soft.”

Liara chuckled, but agreed nonetheless. “I’ll be right back, Shepard.”

They waited in silence until both Liara and the nurse, who had volunteered to help Liara in her quest, had left. Shepard then turned to Javik, her face impassable. She studied him, and he studied her. He felt no pain in her. A lot of regret, but no pain.

“You knew I was alive.”

“I had the suspicion,” he replied. “I could feel your brain activity. I wasn’t sure it was simply an illusion, however.”

“Sneaky bastard. Took Liara away from me, too,” Shepard replied, lying back down against her pile of pillows. “I take it you two have been exploring? Writing that book of hers?”

Javik nodded, sitting down on the chair next to her bed. “I have been taking her to different ruins. I believe she has already written 4 or 5 chapters. You can never be sure with that one.”

“Journeys with the Protheans,” Shepard mused. “That’s going to be a big hit.” Javik snorted, and the woman turned away from him, looking out the window. “This must be hard for you.”

“Dr. T’soni said the same thing, but it isn’t. There are more emotional fluctuations in her than there are in me when we discover something she hasn’t seen before. I like remembering my people. It is nice to see that so much of our empire has been preserved.”

“Take care of her.”

The order was clear, but Javik still found himself surprised. “I did not take Dr. T’soni to be a woman who requires protection.”

“I didn’t say protect her,” Shepard retorted. “I said take care of her. She’s young, Javik. 110, by now?” Javik nodded. He knew asari lived for very long periods of time – even during his cycle. “Either way, it’s very young for an asari. She may not want to admit it, but despite being the Shadow Broker, she’s naïve. Sometimes I feel like I’m more mature than her, and I haven’t even lived half as long as she has.”

He felt the swell of pride in the Commander. The love, the care, the worry. “You are very emotional right now, Commander,” he pointed out. Shepard scoffed, turning back to face him.

“Dying twice tends to do that to you.”

“Maybe so.”

“War is going to catch up to her. She’s currently distracted, but I’m sure you’ve noticed – the guilt is there, plain as day. I didn’t fight this hard so I could lose my friends to mental breakdowns.”

He snorted, but he agreed. Liara had been a turmoil of emotions since the end of the war. He knew it was bound to catch up to the both of them.

But when it did hit Liara, he would be there to protect her.

“As you wish, Commander.”


	8. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally the hug was going to be more angsty  
> but then I saw inklie's art and I wa slike hgn

Sometimes, Liara found herself unbearably angry. It wasn’t for any particular reason, and she was aware that it was a simple mood swing, but there were days she could barely contain herself. That day was one of the days when the destruction back on Thessia had hit her particularly bad. There had been so many deaths. So many innocent people whose lives had been taken from them by the Reapers. And yet she was still alive, breathing, discovering, being happy.

Did she have the right?

She was lying in bed, awake, but not really, staring at the padded ceiling of her quarters when Javik knocked on her door. She let him in, albeit, reluctantly, and he walked in with a data pad in hand. “Asari,” he greeted, then paused, looked over his shoulder, and corrected himself, “Dr. T’soni.”

“What is it?” she asked, still buried in her blankets.

“This paragraph here, on our artwork, it requires correction.”

She didn’t really understand why that comment made her angry beyond reason. She sat up on her bed, picked up a pillow and threw it at him. “I don’t need you to come in here to tell me that,” she all but snapped. Javik stared at her, mildly surprised, before his own anger quickly caught on.

“You asked me for help, asari, I am giving it to you,” he retorted, crossing his arms.

“Get out of here.”

“No.”

Her biotics flared as she all but jumped out of bed. “I said get out!”

But Javik stood strong, even as she threw different objects at him; an impassable wall. She yelled, and screamed, and hit things, and the more it happened, the less angry she felt. Suddenly, the blue glow of her biotics died down and she slumped against the wall, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

“Why?” she asked weakly. “Why can’t you take a hint? I know you can read my emotions, so why don’t you simply leave me alone?” He did not reply. He simply watched as she buried her head in her hands, sobs wracking her body. “I’m grieving, Javik. Let me do so in peace.”

He did not move forward. After a moment of remaining silent while she cried, he asked her a simple question.

“How can I help?”

At first, she stared at him, incredulous. Javik, wanting to help her with her emotional breakdowns seemed very unlikely, especially considering how little patience he had with her. But then she thought, he’d done stranger things over their travels, like give her flowers and take her to Ontarom without a specific reason.

She walked up to him and pressed herself against his chest.

“You could give me a hug.”

His arms wrapped around her frame, and with a sigh, he rested his head against the crown of hers.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, trying to still her frantically beating heart. She didn’t think that this was how their first embrace was going to happen, but she couldn’t complain. His arms wrapped around her were strangely calming.

“Dr. T’soni, do not blame yourself for your emotions,” he whispered, so quietly she wasn’t sure she heard it.

So she didn’t reply.

*

A few days later, Glyph brought something of note to her attention.

“What could be important about Javik’s browsing history?” she asked, mostly herself.

“Most of the searches are related to the emotional state of asari,” Glyph replied. “Since you are of the asari species, it would be worthy to investigate.”

Liara quirked an eyebrow at the statement, before loading up the data that Glyph had just transferred to her computer. As she read further and further into the search history, she supressed an immature giggle.

/ _How to deal with crying asari_

/ _Why do asari cry_

/ _Asari emotions_

/ _How to make crying person feel better_

She realised after spending a few minutes reading his search history; that she did. She felt much better.


	9. Therum (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters :) I feel like small and compact is nice tho.

“There is more on Therum,” he stated out of the blue. She looked up from her datapad, curious as to what he meant. She straightened up, moving her legs so that her feet were pressed against his thigh. He hissed at how cold they were, but didn't show any intention to leave.

“You mean more of the scientific facility? I already have enough information from what you’ve told me to write a chapter about it.”

He shook his head. “No,” he shifted, placing his own datapad on the sofa's armrest. “There is one artifact that could potentially make the writing of this book much easier.”

She eyed him warily, but agreed to go nonetheless. "Let's set the next course for Therum, then."

*

The temperature hit her like a train yet again asshe stepped out of their ship. It was quite the change from Ontarom and Xawin, whose climates veered more toward the cold side. She welcomed the heat, considering she'd all but frozen her ass off in the past few weeks, but knew it would get uncomfortable very quickly.

“Where is it?” she asked Javik, who silently gestured for her to follow. He led her between two hills, seemingly unfazed by the temperature. Liara was starting to become very uncomfortable when he suddenly turned left into what seemed to be a well preserved cave.

Shw followed him through it, guided only by a flashlight, until they reached a door. There was archaeological equipment scattered around it, and she squealed when she accidentally tripped over a drill.

“It seems archaeologists have been here before,” she mused. “Is this another facility?”

Javik did not reply immediately. He tapped against the door a few times, before a holographic screen popped up and he started typing into it. “It is not like the rest of the facilities here. This is heavily guarded - and do not worry. The archaeologists have not been past this door,” he stated. He finished typing in the required sequence, and the door slid open with a little bit of difficulty.

The door led into another underground passageway that became larger and larger as they progressed. There seemed to be a backup generator somewhere, as the lights still turned on when they walked through the hall.

When they finally reached the end of the passage, Liara’s breath was knocked out of her again. The artefact standing before them had been perfectly preserved - much like the beacon in Thessia, the glowing, blue lines running up and down its surface indicative of prothean origin. Javik released an unsteady breath next to her, and she felt his nervousness.

It was confusing.

Javik, nervous once again, leading her to something unknown. Was it going to be as beautiful as the artwork on Xawin?

She glanced at him, before looking back at the artifact. “It’s another prothean beacon? Does this one have more useful information?”

“Yes, and no,” Javik replied. “It is an information hub, much like the other beacons, but,” he paused, “it holds all the knowledge that the scientists uncovered here, as well as everything they knew beforehand. It is like a memory shard, only, it is much bigger. Everything about the prothean empire is stored in this beacon.”

“Goddess,” she breathed, “can you access it? Find out everything about your empire?” This was the most incredible discovery so far. If Javik could access it and tell her everything, it would make writing her book that much easier. She felt her heart rate quicken, just from the excitement, and knew Javik could feel it too. Was he as excited about it as she was?

Javik tilted his head. “In theory, yes. I could, but I would become an information vessel. We had a few of those people, back in my cycle. They would sacrifice everything that they were in order to be, well, what you would call ‘living encyclopedias’ in your language. I would no longer be Javik, the avatar of Vengeance.”

_I would be the noble scholar you wish me to be._

Before Javik could even take one step toward the beacon, Liara’s sharp order cut through the air.

“Forget it.”

Her hand found his arm and she was tugging him away without a second thought.

“This is your legacy, is it not? Everything about the prothean race, right here,” he pointed at the beacon, ripping his other arm out of her grasp. “It is within reach for you.”

She rounded on him, fury tinting her cheeks purple once more. “I would rather continue imagining what the prothean empire was like than to lose you, Javik!”

Her voice echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls as her feelings finally stepped into the light. Javik stared at her, mouth hanging slightly agape as she clamped a hand over her mouth. She had _not_ just confessed in this way.

“Goddess,” she whispered, before slapping herself on the forehead. “Liara T’soni, you are the _worst_ at social interaction. Of all the ways you could-“

“Liara”

“-confess to this man, you choose to do it like this. Like _this!_ I am such a blithering idiot-“

“ _Liara._ ”

“-I cannot believe. Look at me making a fool of myself once more. This is a curse, isn’t it? I mean, I’m aware that you know how I feel toward you, what with your acute prothean senses, but this is the way you vocally find out? Goddess, I’m speech-“

“Liara!” Javik all but hissed, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to meet his gaze. “It is okay.”

“No it’s not,” she replied, her heart frantically beating against her chest. She thought, if it got any stronger, it would break her ribs. “It’s really not.”

“I care, too,” he said, quietly, and she froze.

“What?”

A frown of irritation creased his lips. “Do not make me repeat myself, Dr. T’soni.”

“Sorry, it was just hard to process, that’s all.”

He glanced down at her, and she smiled. A shy, tentative smile. One that he quickly reciprocated. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. He nodded, giving the beacon one last look. "This information will still be useful. You can describe these "living encyclopedias" to me, and we can have a few paragraph on them. You do not need to become one."

"As you wish, Dr. T'soni."

 

Somehow, on the way back, their hands became intertwined.


	10. Airlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prothean no like you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry about not updating this fic like I promised I would. I have it all planned out, even the ending (we're not v close to it yet tbh) but yeah. It's been a hectic few days, what with me being laid off work around a week before I was supposed to, which led to quite a few repercussions back home. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this short little one, including Javik's famed airlock!

They were at a more heavily populated dig site. The archaeologists were freaked out over him, but Liara’s hold tightening on his arm told him she wasn’t about to let them pester him for long. 

“What does it feel like?” one of the salarian researchers asked him, his datapad already in hand. “It must be difficult to revisit what was once a proud empire.”

“It still is a proud empire,” he replied, unable, and frankly, unwilling to conceal the hatred in his voice. “it is greater than your people ever will be, and all of them but one are dead.”

The salarian cleared his throat awkwardly, before glancing down at his datapad once more. He typed up a few words, before opening his mouth when he was interrupted by another asari. One that looked very different from Liara. There were markings on her face, purple ones, lining the crisp cut of her cheekbones. 

“We have been theorising, through our research of your beacons and the electronic equipment that you left behind, that protheans communicated telepathically. I ask you this, is it true? And if so, did you communicate by words, or by images?”

He wanted to throw them all out of the airlock. 

“Yes. And we did not communicate exclusively through images or words. We communicated through emotion, images, memories… Anything that would allow one to understand another,” was his reply. He crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side. “Enough with the questions.” A few archaeologists opened their mouths to protest, their datapads pressed tightly against their chests, but he raised his hands. “Or I will throw someone out the airlock,” he growled. “And eat the others’ livers for breakfast. Surely you are aware that our diet was primarily composed of salarian, hanar and sometimes asari. The asari especially,” his eyes flicked to the one with the purple markings. “They were a delicacy, in my cycle.”

After a moment of staring at him, some of the crowd realised that he wasn’t joking. With that, a large portion of them dissipated.

“I must say, I expected the protheans to look different,” one voice in the crowd of many stood out. “More… regal.”

“I’m sorry he disappoints you,” Liara’s voice cut in, dripping with barely concealed venom, and before he could do so much as open his mouth, she was dragging them to a more secluded part of the dig site. A ruined building, the remains of a small statue placed in the middle of a decrepit room. 

“I’m sorry,” Liara said the moment they were out of earshot. “I didn’t think there would be so many of them, especially since it’s only been two years since the Reaper attack. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised – archaeologists like myself never sleep well without the knowledge of good ruins to be discovered.”

He studied her as she rambled, her fingers pressed against the bridge of her nose. He could feel the slight hint of panic, disappointment, and anger behind a wall of jealousy. He smirked. A jealous Liara. 

What a treat.

“I was about to throw one out of the airlock,” he stated. “The salarian, preferably. Not before taking out his kidneys, however.”

She snorted. “You don’t even know if they’re still edible.”

He growled. “Salarians will always be food to me, whether I can, or cannot eat them is irrelevant.”

She looked at him, the corners of her eyes wrinkled in an honest smile. 

They studied the ruined building left behind, or, what was left of it anyhow, mostly in silence. Until Liara stood up from where she was sitting, and plopped down next to him. Their shoulders brushed, and it surprisingly still send her heart into a fluttering frenzy. She thought, perhaps when they would have both admitted their feelings for each other, that magical, uncomfortable feeling in her stomach would end. Alas, it did not, and she was left the same bumbling, rambling mess than before.

“You know, Javik,” she started, waiting for him to turn his attention from what he was reading to her, “you speak a lot about what you hate in this cycle, but you’ve never told me what you like.”

He seemed to think for a moment. If one were a mind reader, they would be able to tell that he was working very hard to refrain himself from saying ‘the only thing that I enjoy about this cycle is you’. 

Of course, it would be a small lie. There were other things about the current cycle that Javik didn’t mind. He enjoyed the food. He enjoyed the hope. He enjoyed the admiration the others felt in his presence, although he felt it was slightly undeserved. 

But he didn’t feel alive. Not without Liara around.

“I enjoy the food,” he answered. 

“Just that?” She seemed disappointed. 

“The food, and perhaps your inability to give up. The extensible courage of humans, paired with the wisdom of the asari, and maybe the turian military strength makes for a formidable opponent. Though none of it compares t-“

“To the protheans, I know,” Liara finished for him, a smile playing on her face. “Are you sure there’s nothing else?”

He sighed, glaring in her direction, only to find that her back was facing him. Despite not being able to see her face, he could feel her smugness. Was she trying to make him confess?

“Perhaps there is a hint of your presence that I do enjoy,” he muttered, a small smile gracing his face. She beamed at him, a smile more earnest than he expected from such a resigned compliment. 

“You flatter me, Javik,” she replied, returning to her notes. 

“I will only be manipulated this easily a few times, Dr. T’soni,” he warned, but he couldn’t help the warmth from spreading through his chest when she giggled. 

Surely there wasn’t any harm in pleasing the only person he cared about.


	11. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates my life is a mess atm

The first time they shared a bed was after one of her nightmares. The faces of the Banshees had never left her mind, even two years after the war. The way her own kind had been twisted beyond recognition. The bulging stomachs, their fingers replaced by claws, their eyes, devoid of any soul, yet malicious, _knowing_.

 

Tears spilled down her cheeks without pause, and before she knew it, her knees were drawn up to her chest and she was crying, the slight echoing of her sobs the only thing to keep her company. Until she heard it, the slight hiss of the door, Javik peering inside.

 

“Dr. T’soni.” His voice brought her strange comfort to her. “You are sad.”

 

“Your ability to grasp the obvious is inspiring, Javik,” she replied, though she couldn’t understand herself, her voice was so hoarse from the crying. She sat up, wiping at her cheeks with the blanket. He took a hesitant step into her room, remembering the last time he’d been in there. She had also been crying, although it was more violent. Louder. She wanted to make it known that she was angry, that time. She had thrown anything and everything at him. But now, she was quiet. Curled into herself, the blanket hiding her face from him.

 

Though he didn’t need to see her face to know that she had been crying. He had felt it, overwhelming, the anxiety, followed by the fear, the relief, and finally, the guilt. He had noticed the pattern of her emotional fluctuations very early in their travels.

 

“Perhaps, I can help,” he said, taking another step into the room. The lights turned on of their own accord, right then, the ship’s VI noticing two awake presences in the room. He glanced up at the ceiling briefly, annoyed and blinded.

 

Stupid VI’s.

 

She looked up at him, genuine wonder in her reddened eyes. “Y- don’t worry about it Javik,” she replied, willing, with all her might, for her heart to calm down. Why was it beating so frantically? She’d promised herself that she would calm down around him, act natural. Even if he could sense otherwise, at least it would make her feel better about herself, for not sounding like a desperate maiden.

 

The bed shifted under his weight as he sat next to her, the mattress dipping around her knees. Hesitantly, she unfolded her arm and stuck her hand out for him to hold. It was a slow movement, deliberate, calculated. He would either grab it, or he would stare at it like it was another oddity from this cyle.

 

His own fingers curled around her, tentative, soft. She almost pulled back in her surprise, not expecting such gentleness from a someone who claimed to be as hardened as he was. His lack of emotion was something of which she had no doubt.  

 

She didn’t know this, but Javik was as surprised as she was, when he found that he couldn’t simply grab her hand and hold it tight. No, his grip (if he could even call it that) on her was more gentle than he’d expected from himself. He thought he’d forgotten how to be a lover – how to be someone capable of soft touches, quiet whispers and demure kisses. She plopped back down on her side, burying her face in her pillow. She wasn’t hiding her face because she was embarrassed, far from it. She simply didn’t want him seeing her face, reading her expressions. She wanted him to sense what she felt, not see it. The way her heart was hammering against her chest, threatening to break through her ribs and escape, a fluttering mess of feelings. He wanted him to perceive the way her palms got sweaty around him. The way her stomach did backflips, so much that she wasn’t sure how she could still eat in his presence. The way she felt almost sick around him, but it was such a good feeling that she never wanted it to end.

 

And she knew he could, the moment his other hand experimentally pulled the blanket away from her face, past her shoulders, until he carefully bunched it around her hip. She didn’t turn to face him, but couldn’t help the heat blossoming through her chest when she felt him slide his finger along the curve of her waist, the touch feather-light through the loose shirt she wore to sleep. Shivers raced, up and down her spine, a convoluted pattern of electrical currents running across her body, when his caress travelled, tentatively, up to her shoulder, and down her arms.

 

A small sigh escaped her lips, unwillingly, of course, when his hand suddenly changed course and stroked her back. Unable to suppress the feelings anymore, she turned around, grabbed both his arms and tugged him down until he was lying down next to her.

 

“Dr. T’soni?”

 

She didn’t reply. She didn’t know if she could reply. Correcting him, ( _it’s **Liara** ) **,**_  was currently the least of her worries. She could scarcely believe what she was doing, in fact, and she was sure he could feel her uncertainty. Hence the questioning tone, the hand hovering right above her waist as if asking for permission to touch her, despite his stroking her moments ago.

 

No, she did not reply. Instead, she reached up, grabbed his hand, and tugged it until his arm was draped across her waist.

 

At first, he froze. She felt his whole body stiffen behind her, and her nervousness peaked. For a moment, she held her breath, only the whooshing sound of the ship (an indication that everything was working properly) filling up the room. Then, out of nowhere, his grasp on her waist tightened, pulling her flush against his chest. She felt him exhale against her neck, before he pressed a chaste, light kiss against it. She barely registered the contact before he was pulling away, although his arm remained tightly wound around her waist, and his breath continued dancing against the back of her neck with each exhale.

 

She buried her face in the pillow again, smothering her sheepish smile.

 

It is needless to say that she slept soundly that night.


	12. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javik is at a loss for words.

“What are you?”

The question should not have hit him as hard as it did. He froze on the spot, his gaze fixated on the small, human child standing before him. 

“What?”

Liara would have chastised him for the lack of eloquence in his reply, but she was just as shocked as he seemed, if not more. The image of the Prothean was not uncommon, especially with the amount of discoveries that had been made before the Reaper attack. They both stared, stunned into silence, as the child shuffled before them awkwardly. The little one, on the other hand, seemed almost irritated. Jabbing Javik on the leg with a finger, he repeated the question. “What are you?” 

Liara watched Javik intently, unwilling to answer for him. However, his eyes simply remained glued to the small, red-cheeked child. His fists were balled by his sides, arms shaking. She was no Prothean, but she could feel the heat radiating from him. It was almost unnatural, a boiling anger in the pit of his stomach.

Indeed, she was reading him perfectly well. It was not often that Javik had been shocked into silence, especially during this cycle. However, he couldn’t stop his body from reacting, the anger flaring, spreading like wildfire from his stomach, through his chest, up his neck.

Just like that, an entire empire, one he could remember so well, swept under the rug, forgotten.

“I am Prothean,” he finally answered. 

“What’s that?” the child retorted, sticking a finger into his mouth. Javik did not know how to reply. He felt it – his mouth, opening, closing, opening again. But he was incapable of producing a single sound. Instead, tremors shot through his body, starting at his fingertips, running the entire length of his arms before changing course and going down his legs. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

His empire. Forgotten like the histories of the previous cycle. Which it was.

Yet it was so surreal. For him, the Reaper attack was yesterday. _Their_ Reaper attack. Not this cycle’s.

A hand lightly tugged at his clenched fist, and he looked up to find Liara, worry almost oozing from her. He didn’t want her to. What was the point of worrying?

He didn't need her to fret over his feelings. He could feel it - she was as shocked, disappointed, if not scared as he was. But he was fine.

Except he wasn’t.

He looked back at the child, unable to formulate even the simplest of answers. Liara gently told him to return to his mother.

When he was out of sight, Liara’s hand tightened around his. “When the book gets published,” she started, her voice wavering as much as his emotions, “people will never forget what the prothean empire was like.”

He didn’t have a reply. He simply watched the child’s retreating form.

Just like that.

Gone.


	13. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javik's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is their first kiss I promise.

_Fighting alongside the different primitive races was different for Javik, but not devoid of hope. The Krogan had incredible regenerative powers, and the Turians lived up to their name as an incredible military force. The asari did too, as powerful biotics, holding up barriers over tanks and warships alike._

_It seemed as if they could actually win the war. Until the fight was kicked out of them._

_It had been hours since the Commander had disappeared on the beacon to the Citadel._

_“I can’t last much longer!”_

_Javik looked up at the asari standing over him. From where he was, kneeling behind cover, he couldn’t see how big the Reaper forces were. He could see it faintly, the way her barrier was flickering in and out of existence when the Reapers were smaller in bulk._

_“You can do it, Dr. T’soni,” he replied, before rolling out from under his cover and shooting another few Marauders dead. But as the ones he had just killed fell to the ground, more came out from under the rubble to replace them._

_It was endless._

_“Javik, I-“_

_“It is fine, Liara. I will be here.”_

_Watching Liara collapse of exhaustion before him awoke something in Javik. The way her brow furrowed in concentration as she summoned barrier after barrier over them, defending him from the Reaper assault, warned him of the impending loss of her consciousness. He thought he was ready for it, but wave after wave of husks, cannibals and other monstrous creatures came for them, preventing her from taking a break._

_If only he knew how to summon one as strong as hers._

_She didn’t have the time to utter any warning. The barrier waned, and he found himself catching her. Indeed, something primal awoke within him. Something he wasn’t aware he was capable of feeling. His body moved before he could think about it, and he was running. Running with the rest of the troops, over and under rubble, Liara firmly braced over his shoulder. Javik had only one thought in mind: keep the doctor safe._

_He didn’t stop to wonder why he didn’t care about his own life._

_As he climbed over the remains of a building, his legs began to give way with every step, and he started fearing the loss of the doctor. The thought did not leave him, it crawled up and ran down his spine in little shivers, sending his heart into a fluttering frenzy. He couldn’t give up. Not now. Not while Liara’s life depended on his physical prowess. A bullet hit his already weakened shields, sending him stumbling forward._

_Remain strong, he thought, when he managed to straighten up again. That’s what he should do. That’s what he had been brought back to do. To remain strong._

_So with one final growl, he threw himself off the remains of a wall, landing on both his feet. Liara’s weight was almost too much to bear with this much force, and he lurched forward, wrapping his arms around her body to prevent her from flying off his shoulder._

_He turned around to find that his attackers were still hot on his trail. He groaned, thankful that the asari was not conscious to hear it. She couldn’t see him weakened. He trudged forward, through the broken buildings. Limping was all he could do: limp away from the enemy and hope that they did not find them._

_It was then that it happened. The sky, formerly blackened by the dust the Reapers had kicked up, blazing red. He watched in awe as a phenomenon resembling a shockwave burst from the sky. He hid behind a broken wall, sinking to the floor, adjusting so Liara was now lying curled up against him._

_He looked around the corner – the Reaper forces had stopped chasing him, but they were still around. If he tried to run now, they would simply start coming after him again. It was then that he saw it: a wall of red light, resembling the Reaper lasers, coming closer by the second._

_It was it. This was the end of Liara. He’d failed to protect her._

_Wrapping himself around her, he shut his eyes tight, waiting for the shockwave to hit them, too. He waited until the sound of it grew so loud the vibrations were running through his entire body. Liara jolted awake, a scream erupting from her mouth and she clung to him like a lifeline._

_She was confused, disoriented and terrified, and for once, Javik felt sorry for her. Sorry that her life had to end in such a state. Until the whole world turned blazing red, the view of the ruins before him twisting and morphing, the edges of the walls blurring. The noise was so loud, yet he could barely hear it, and then the shockwave was no longer in their sight. It had passed them._

_It had passed them and they hadn’t died._

_Liara’s breaths were the only sound in the ruins of the building. They were heavy, forced, and wet. Blood was dripping down the side of her mouth, and he fought the urge to wipe away at it. Her fingers were digging into his neck, but the feeling was comforting. It was an indication that he was alive. Her eyes moved frantically, gaze switching from the ground, to the sky, to him, until her mouth opened and she finally spoke:_

_“What was that?”_

_He couldn’t answer. All he could do was look at her, and at the way she was so blissfully alive. There was no longer the sickening sound of the Cannibals’ feet hitting the floor, or the mechanical growls of the Marauders. There was just her._

_He smiled, and she smiled back, but he could feel it in her. The exhaustion had taken its toll. She wouldn’t stay conscious for long. “We survived,” she mumbled as she let her head fall against his shoulder. “Thank you, Shepard.”_

_And with those words, Liara’s consciousness left her once more._

_The only thought running through his head was that he should congratulate the Commander when he found her. And to thank her for saving Liara’s life._


	14. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this after the angst i put you through :/

Their first kiss happened almost by mistake. They’d gotten used to the small stature of the ship, and the accompanying low ceilings, thin hallways and tiny rooms. However, the kitchen was always an area that was comfortable for Liara – until she found herself in the same, cramped space as Javik.

It was pleasant, at first, the way his back would brush against hers as he cooked his own food, sending pleasant shivers down her spine. It soon became too much to bear, however. She felt her cheeks heat up against her will as Javik’s elbow grazed the dip of her waist. He didn’t seem to mind, but she knew that he could feel exactly what was going on in her head, and her heart, and her stomach, and she didn’t want to think of other possible areas that he was aware of.

She turned around with the intent to tell him to move slightly to the side to make the space more comfortable for the both of them, when her lips collide with something hard. Javik had turned around too, for a reason still unknown to her. She pulled away to find that she’d just accidentally kissed him on the chin. Heat spread through her cheeks and down her neck like wildfire, everything in her body short-circuiting at once. She could swear her heart was hammering against her chest hard enough to break it.

“I- I’m sorry,” she started, trying to take a step back so she wouldn’t be so close to him. He snorted, his hand reaching over and placing itself on her waist. She wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but heat spread through her body from where his hand was poised, sending a wave of shivers down her spine.

“I don’t mind.” His reply was a hushed whisper, one that did not need to be louder for her to hear, because he was leaning in. She barely had the time to register what was happening before he was pressing his lips firmly against hers. She was certain she melted, right then. Melted into a puddle of confused and exhilarated feelings. Her arms reached around his neck of their own accord. His lips were so much softer than she’d expected. How could something so supple be capable of such sharp words? His own hands snaked behind her back and pulled her flush against him as he deepened the kiss, and she could all but melt into his embrace, his grip on her the only thing holding her up.

When had she lost control of her legs? 

His tongue brushed lightly against her lips, and she opened her mouth to him with a small sigh. When, or where had he learned to be so gentle? _Born and bred for war._ His words echoed through both of their minds, Javik as equally surprised at his own behaviour. 

 _I love her,_ he thought, right then. _How stupid is this? I love her._

He wondered if she could tell, like he could, through his touch. Surely something would have communicated his feelings – feelings that his own vocabulary could never describe in enough detail for her to understand.

She realised, when he pulled away without a word and went back to cooking his meal, that their first kiss had been one of the clichéd ones, from the novels she read as a child. She turned to face her own cooking again, trying to get her breathing back under control. 

So it had been cliché.

She giggled, acutely aware of the fact that she _didn’t care_ if it was the most cliché moment of her entire life _._

She loved him.


	15. Intimacy

Liara found out a lot more about Prothean customs and society during their moments of intimacy than during their travels from ruin to ruin. Lying in bed, his arm wrapped around her as she glided a gentle finger along the curve of his cheekbone, down his jaw, to his neck. A low rumble echoed from his chest and she looked up at him, curious to see whether she’d disturbed or pleased him.

“In my cycle,” he began, and she couldn’t help but snort at the overused statement. He paused, the end of the sentence still lingering on his lips, and through her small giggles, she urged him to go on. 

“In your cycle?”

“In my cycle,” he began once more, the edges of his mouth pulled down to show his distaste for her interruptions, “stroking another’s neck meant that they had been claimed as a mate.”

She shifted until she could comfortably lay her head against his chest. “Have I not claimed you as a mate?”

He snorted, his hand subconsciously trailing random patterns down the curve of her back, and up again. “That might be the case,” he whispered, gaze moving to study the freckles peppering her skin.

With a small giggle, she reached up and cupped his cheek again. “Is there anything else that I’ve been doing that is inappropriate?”

“Many,” he replied almost instantaneously. “Such as placing your hands on my waist, touching my face as you are doing right now, kissing my cheeks.” He mimicked the actions as he explained it, his hands gliding from her hips to her face, before pressing a small kiss on her cheek. “These would all be scandalous actions in my cycle. Ones not to be done in public. They were actions strictly to be done during times of intimacy.”

She laughed, then, a tinkling sound so beautiful that Javik wished he could have the same memory as a Drell (he had been informed of their perfection), so he could recall it, over and over when they would undoubtedly part.

“Your cycle was certainly very strange,” she stated, lifting her hand from its position on his cheek and placing it next to her face, pressed against his chest. He sensed the swell of her chest as she realised, more deeply, that she loved him, then. It was sudden, random, and even he did not expect it – what could have possibly caused such a realisation? Their surprise mingled in the air, the strength of the pheromones doubling, almost overpowering. “Very strange indeed,” she whispered, her face now pensive.

He did not argue with her. Instead, he wrapped a strong arm around her frame, pulling her closer to him. _I know,_ he thought, listening attentively as she drew her own patterns against his naked chest with a single finger.

_I know._


	16. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you."

Javik enjoyed it when Liara fell asleep before he did. It was a rare occasion, when she simply passed out from exhaustion, her data-pad still loosely held by a limp hand. He enjoyed removing the offending piece of electronic equipment from her grasp, and placing it on the table next to her, all the while watching her to make sure the action did not wake her up. He enjoyed picking her up, handling her as carefully as he would a work of art, hearing her little disgruntled moans as he carried her to her room. He enjoyed watching her unconsciously cosy up in the blankets and bury her face in her pillow as she drifted back into deep sleep.

He enjoyed lying down next to her, knowing that she trusted him enough to join her in bed. To be able to place soft kisses on her skin, down her neck, along the strong lines of her shoulders, before moving down, across her back, and up again. It was a pattern he would often repeat, fascinated by the softness of her skin, by how smooth, and _flawless_ it was. He was awed by the way her muscles were unlike his. Not corded, weaved together, but soft, almost unnoticeably different from each other. He sometimes even found himself counting the freckles peppering the skin of her face, her neck and chest, in a hopeless attempt to find a single flaw on her.

However, what he enjoyed the most about these moments, was knowing that he could speak freely to her. Words tumbled out of his mouth as reverently as he studied her. “I love you,” he would whisper into her neck, knowing full well that she was not conscious to hear it. He would confess, “You are the reason I breathe today.”

Yet this specific night, as he whispered to her about the colour of her skin _(“It is so beautiful,” he was saying. “Such a fascinating colour.”)_ the changes in her emotions were more volatile than he was used to as she slept. A frown creased his brow and he leaned over to study her face, trying to find a reason for such extreme fluctuations. Her face betrayed nothing. A nightmare? A dream?

He propped himself up on his elbow, reaching over and placing his hand on her shoulder when her head turned, suddenly, to face him. With a small shout, he reared back, barely stopping his weight from falling off the bed by placing one hand on the floor. Her laugh echoed through the room as she turned over to lie down on her stomach, her eyes never leaving his face. “I didn’t know you felt this way about me, Javik” she mused, propping her chin against her hand. Her grin had faded into a lazy, knowing smile.

He growled something that she suspected was a profanity in reply, the universal translator unable to tell her what it truly meant,  as he pushed himself back up into the bed. 

“Don’t frown at me like that,” she said, her voice as soft as her skin. She reached over and grabbed his hand, her own, smaller fingers grasping his tightly. “You know exactly how I feel, so I’m grateful to finally hear what you feel.”

Another grumbled reply, and he shifted, closer, to place his cheek on her stomach. The silence that reigned over the both of them after that was a comfortable one. 

“So, you like what you see?” she finally asked, her tone borderline sarcastic. He felt the way she steeled her heart, expecting a response as aggressive as the first time she queried about his love life.

“Yes,” he replied simply, lifting a hand to lazily trace the curve of her waist. Her surprise was almost overwhelming and he snorted, glancing up to find her open mouthed. She did not reply, and his gaze returned to the silky skin of her stomach as he ran a gentle hand over it.

_“I do.”_


	17. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to justify Javik in this -   
> He showed very little tolerance for weakness - especially mental/emotional weakness in mass effect 3. I think the one person he would be most unforgiving toward for showing such weaknesses is himself, even years after the war. Hence, this chapter. ^^

“A few publishing companies are interested in our book, Javik,” she claimed, the moment the door to their common living area opened up fully. He glanced down at her, as she was, sitting down on the floor, datapads scattered around her as she heatedly worked. He enjoyed watching her mumble to herself as she typed up the words that would be his people’s legacy.

“Why wouldn’t they be interested?” he queried, taking a seat on the couch across from her. She glanced up at him, a brief smile lighting up her features before concentration took a hold of her again.

“Not everyone shares our passion for your people,” she gently reminded him. “The history of the Protheans will be interesting to some, but not to all.”

It was then that Javik realised, for the second time since he was brought out of his comatose state, his people were gone. No longer were they the most important and prominent species in the galaxy. No longer were they the most powerful. Now, they were simply the remains of what once was, of what could have been, of what was not strong enough to defeat the reapers.

Before he knew it, the data-pad that had formerly been tightly clutched in his hand clattered to the floor, accompanied by his slow, uneven breathing.

“Why?” he whispered, to no one in particular. Why was he so weak in the face of the inevitable end of the Protheans?

“Javik?”

He faintly registered Liara standing up from the floor to cup his cheek. “Javik? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t know how to answer.

So he said nothing

_Why am I so weak?_


	18. Insecurity

“What do you like about me, Javik?” she asked, once, in a moment of insecurity brought only by the fact that the silence between them had stretched on for too long.

She was met with silence, as Javik thought about what he would answer. She could see that he was awake, even in the dead of the night with the lights off. She could feel his heartbeat quicken under her palm. She could hear him sigh.

What she couldn’t know, however, was that her question had hit Javik like a well placed bullet. _Everything,_ he wanted to answer. _The way you turn purple when you are upset with me._ She shifted, trying to get a better look at his face in the dark.

 _The way you are so easily angered by small matters. The way you can put me in my place when I step out of line._ He reached up, stroking a gentle finger along the curve of her waist. _The way you stand up to me,_ he thinks, finally. Because no other primitive had dared to stand up to him apart from the Commander. And the Commander was a special case.

_The way your biotics flare in battle, a halo of blue light. The way your skin feels under my touch. The curve of your lips when you smile. The way your eyes light up when I tell you about my Empire. About what it once was. How you can appreciate its beauty in a way nobody else can._

She hummed under his touch, stretching her limbs. _The way your voice sounds at night, when you sing yourself to sleep. The way your voice sounds during the day, when you sing in the shower, when you think nobody else can hear you._

She reached up, gently cupping his cheek. “Javik?”

He could feel the uncertainty. He could feel how vulnerable she was, at that moment. Yet he was speechless, unable to formulate a proper sentence. He cursed himself for not being able to make her feel better.

 _The way you thank your Goddess for the food that you eat. The way your kindness does not hinder your ability for efficiency. The way you are so imperative as the Shadow Broker, and yet your touch can be as gentle as this._ He grasped her hand, pulling it away from his cheek to place it against his chest. Maybe she would feel the way his heart was beating much more strongly than usual. Maybe she would be able to feel it through his pheromones. 

_The way you handle so much information without a blink, as if it was the most natural thing in the world._

There were others, too.

_The way you kiss your way down my shoulders and arms when you think I am asleep. The way you always act gentle with me, despite the fact that you know I cannot be broken._

_Not more than I already am._

_I love everything about you,_ he thought. But she wouldn’t believe it. She wouldn’t believe him. He felt the way surprise overtook her other emotions when he admitted to loving her. He could scarcely believe himself – he had never loved anyone. Not the way he loved Liara. He hadn’t believed himself to be capable of such thoughts until now. If he couldn’t believe himself, how could he expect her to believe him? So he settled for another answer.

“I should say a lot of things. You are not so bad, for a primitive,” he simply claimed, letting a small smirk grace his lips.

“I hate you,” she replied, smacking him on the shoulder. He laughed, reaching over to wrap his arms around her.

“I know,” was the simple answer. Because they both knew that hate was not the right word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Just a quick announcement - I've finalised the entire fic, and there are 7 chapters left after this one. So on that note, I want to thank anyone who's already made it this far and has followed this fic with me as I struggled through characterising them both. 
> 
> I love u all


	19. Noveria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!! Slightly!NSFW   
> c:

Liara had suggested they go on a date. Considering the fact that they were stranded on Noveria in an attempt to procure a very expensive Prothean artifact, Javik had found it strange. Liara had mentioned that nothing was worth eating on this planet, especially since all foods were imported due to the planet’s freezing temperatures.

Nonetheless, he agreed, because he knew it would make Liara happy. The amount of frustration she’d had to deal with in the past few days, especially since she ignored his advice (consisting of throwing each and every businessman here out of the airlock), he thought that she could use a moment of joy.

The wine was terrible, and the food was comparable to a Salarian kidney that had not been roasted properly enough. In short, what they ate was terrible, and wat they drank was worse, but it didn’t seem to matter to them. They ate, talking about everything and nothing, about the book, about Shepard, about how Liara was feeling, about her network slowly coming back together. And they drank, glass after glass of wine, until Javik couldn’t see straight anymore and Liara was laughing at everything he said.

When they finally managed to get back to their hotel room, they stumbled in, lazily kissing each other’s mouths, cheeks, necks. Liara sighed, leaning her head back when Javik moved to place a soft kiss at the hollow of her throat. His hands groped at her hips, digging into the soft flesh and Liara couldn’t help but let a soft moan escape her.

She heard him chuckle in response to her arousal. It was clear that he could feel it, sense it, whatever it is he called it. Her pheromones were most likely going crazy, but by this point, she couldn’t bring herself to care enough to be embarrassed. She was with him, and she could feel him smile against her skin, and it was all that mattered to her. He pushed against her, slowly guiding her back into their bedroom, until the back of her knees touched the bed, and all of a sudden, she was lying down, him on top of her, his lips centimetres away from hers. She could feel his breath, heavily scented by the terrible wine, fan across her face. All she wanted to do was lean up, that tiny bit, so she could kiss him once more.

Yet, when she moved to do just that, he spoke.

“You are so beautiful, Liara T’soni,” he whispered, so quietly she wasn’t sure she actually heard it. “You are truly a wonder to behold.”

Was the wine playing tricks on her mind? At first, she wasn’t sure. Until she glanced back at him, and saw the way he was looking down at her, eyes semi-lidded, lips curved into a lazy, drunken smile. _Goddess_ , she thought. _He was sincere_.

It was the first time he had so freely expressed himself about his emotions to her.

She giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. “What would I be without you?” she asked, unable to suppress the grin stretching her lips. Javik grunted, letting himself fall to her side, out of her grasp.

“I would rather not think about that,” he replied, turning to look at her with a smirk. “You would be incapable of carrying on without me.”

She did not deny his statement. It was hard to think of a life without him now. Instead, she settled closer to him, burying her face into his chest. Her eyelids closed of their own volition, and she nuzzled his shirt. “I’m so sleepy,” she mumbled, earning a soft chuckle from her partner.

Javik watched as Liara’s face relaxed, her breathing evened, and her grip on his clothes loosened, all the while trying to prevent a single question from plaguing his mind.

_What would I be without her?_


	20. Oh no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback I got on this! Only 5 chapters left ^ -^

It was one of their off days. What was meant by that, in Liara terms, was that she would be working, and Javik would be reading up on the ‘primitive’ species of this cycle. However, Javik was getting very bored, very quickly with learning about Hanar poetry reading and their manner of speaking, as well as their apparent worship of the Protheans.

“Ridiculous,” he mumbled, lowering his datapad so he could watch Liara work. She didn’t seem as concentrated as she usually was, and instead was idly scrolling back and forth between two paragraphs. After a while of watching her absentmindedly do that, he spoke up.

“How much more content do you need?”

Liara looked up from her work, brows drawn up. “What do you mean?”

Javik huffed, placing the datapad down on the couch. “I mean for the book. How much more information on the Protheans do you require?” 

She wanted to say that she had more than enough for three volumes, and that she needed to cram it all into one and was already struggling. She _really_ had enough information. Yet when she opened her mouth to say so, she froze. It dawned on her, then, that Javik would have little reason to remain with her once the book was finished. His promise would have been kept, and she wasn’t sure that their emotional connection would be enough to stop him from leaving.

Fear coursed through her veins and she cleared her throat, turning her attention back to the book. “A little more,” she claimed.

Javik, on the other hand, was confused. Liara had gone from a peaceful state of mind, to a whirlwind of fear, anxiety, hurt, and confusion.

Why was she scared?


	21. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javik still has nightmares.

These nights were always the worst. The ones where he woke up, inhaling deeply, sweat and tears clouding his vision, flashes of the war still fresh in his mind. Until everything went black and silent. Only his breathing could be heard, only the faint flashing of the light controls could be seen. 

A nightmare. It had all been a nightmare. Yet it had felt so real. The pain, the death, the screaming, the ringing screech of the Reapers. How was he supposed to tell them apart from reality? There was always this anxiety biting at the back of his neck, buried deep in the back of his mind that told him the Reapers could be back any second. It seemed almost impossible for them to have won. And yet here he was, lying down next to Liara.

He took a deep breath, trying to settle his beating heart. A flurry of words rang in his head. 

_How many others?_

_You’re all that’s left._

_He_ hadn’t won the war. Even though the species of this cycle had done well against the Reapers. There was no victory when there was no one to celebrate it with. 

A soft hand landed on his back and he jerked at the feeling, twisting to find Liara kneeling next to him, worry etched on her face. Her hand hovered above his shoulder before he nodded once, giving her permission to touch him.

_Do not worry,_ he wanted to say. But he could not. He was incapable of words, and she knew it. So she simply sat there, rubbing soothing, warm circles across his shoulders, across his back, murmuring small words of encouragement. 

Liara never thought that her consolations helped. Javik would not let her know, either. Not for a while. 

But she helped. 

She always did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS RLY RUSHED   
> but my life is a mess and this chapter was always meant to be short and tbh we're getting to the end and I just wanted to get this one out of the way I guess? Kinda shows how their relationship isn't exactly perfect. They hide a lot of stuff from each other, as they would hahah 
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading ! 
> 
> Also! I changed my tumblr URL to handsome-jackmeoff.tumblr.com so if you want to find me I am there :3


	22. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically both Javik and Liara are stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aahhhh a little bit mor ejustification on my part but????? Javik seems like the type who would shy away from people needing him??  
> Like he's the last of his species n stuff so he probably feels like nobody should need him   
> idk it's just me  
> i rly identify with him and i guess i just projected myself onto him for this  
> clinginess scares me so i thought why not  
> im sorry if this doesn't rly fit your idea of him??  
> haha

“What will you do after this?” she asked, in the dead of the night. He shifted, trying to look away from her as much as possible. If he had to be honest with himself, he hadn’t really considered it. Perhaps he would finally visit the resting site of his old crewmates. It had been a while since he’d promised himself he’d do that. Yet, it didn’t have the same allure as before. Not anymore. Not while her hand ran absently up and down his side, as if she was memorising the shape of his body. 

Liara herself had been clear about her future - she was to continue her life as the Shadow Broker, acquiring and giving information, living the thrill of a busy and dangerous life. A life that did not have any space for him in it. Or so he wanted to tell himself. He knew, he could feel the way Liara was nervous every time she mentioned the future. She needed him just as he needed her. 

He supposed, right then, that the fact that she needed him scared him more than the idea of her letting him go. 

The pain in his heart did not settle, especially the next day, when she stood up from her seated position on the floor, clutching the manuscript in hand, and claiming that it was done. 

“It’s finally done,” she breathed, handing it to him. “I can’t believe it.”

He couldn’t either. He should have been happy - he should have been overjoyed. He would no longer have to deal with visiting his ruined empire, or caring about giving her proper information, or learning about the primitive species of this cycle. He wouldn’t have to deal with what he used to find annoying. Used to.

But the nagging remained, in the back of his head. What if, just, _what if_ she decided to leave him behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new url! 
> 
> handsome-jackmeoff.tumblr.com


	23. Premiere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It was a few weeks before their first book was finally published. Because a lot of news magazines had been interested in _Journey with the Protheans,_ both Liara and Javik had agreed to have something akin to a premiere for the book, where they would accept interviews and celebrate the closest thing to the revival of the Prothean empire as they could. 

They hadn’t expected many people to show up, but had sent out invitations anyways. To Shepard, to Garrus, to Kaidan and to Joker, to Tali, to Wrex, to Grunt. Many of them had replied that they couldn’t make it. After all, reparations were still underway on most of the home worlds. Liara was greeting guests at the door when she noticed the familiar flash of black hair and black lips, and almost jumped out of her skin. 

Shepard was here. 

She forgot herself, or the fact that she was in heels, and ran all the way down the hall to greet her friend. Shepard opened her arms and welcomed her into an embrace. Liara crashed into the Commander so hard they stumbled back a few steps and ran straight into Garrus, turning the personal hug into something more like a group hug. 

But she didn’t care anymore. She was just glad Shepard was alive and well. Any information on the woman was still hard to acquire, and she had had absolutely no idea of her friend’s previous location or her current wellbeing.

The fact that Shepard could stand on two legs was, however, promising.

The evening became much easier with the Commander’s presence. About halfway through the event, Kaidan and Joker both showed up, apologising for their tardiness and blaming each other’s lousy driving. It was heaven, for Liara. Or close to it, anyways. Seeing her old friends together and _alive._ And those who didn’t show up, Shepard had news of. She’d explained to her that Grunt and Wrex were both on Tuchanka, assisting with the, uh, repopulation. 

“Tali couldn’t make it, but she sends her regards and congratulations from Rannoch. Rebuilding is going well,” the Commander claimed, sipping idly from her drink. “The Geth are proving a lot more helpful than I initially thought.”

“I always said you judged them too hard,” Liara quipped, trying to suppress her smirk when Shepard glared in her direction. 

“They’re just so… weird.”

“That I have to agree with.”

They stayed silent for a little while, before Liara let her gaze wander around Shepard’s body. The Crucible’s explosion had left her heavily scarred, and she noticed the way the woman still winced when Garrus ran his hand down her back. 

“How are you? Really,” she asked. “I don’t want what you tell other people for morale’s sake.”

Shepard looked amused for a second, before she replied. “Well, I’m okay. If you want honest, I’m still in pain. A lot of pain. But I’m okay. Mentally. What about you? Relieved that this is all over?”

Liara wanted to say yes. She was relieved, technically. She didn’t have to fret over meeting deadlines for the book and she didn’t have to read any more books about Grammar and Literary Techniques and Literary Features. But… 

Her gaze wandered to Javik, who was heatedly arguing with a journalist, and before she knew it, her cheeks were wet and her vision was blurry. She watched as Shepard’s eyes widened before the woman placed her drink down and reached up to wipe at her face. “Why the hell are you crying?”

Ah, how she’d missed Shepard’s tact. 

“He’s going to leave, now,” she whispered. Shepard simply cocked a brow, not understanding at all what was wrong. 

“Who? What?”

The Commander followed her gaze, her eyes finally landing on Javik. 

“Him?” she queried, turning back to face Liara. “I thought you’d be relieved. Last I checked he got on your nerves.”

“Do you know where he will go?”

Shepard glanced back at Javik once more, excusing the fact that Liara had completely avoided her previous question. She’d known that Javik wanted to end his life after the war, but she hadn’t felt the same overwhelming anguish from him recently. She shrugged, patting Liara on the shoulders. “I have no clue.”

Suddenly, Javik was at their side, one hand softly reaching for Liara’s. “You are sad,” he claimed, and Shepard eyed the Prothean carefully. She looked more confused by the two of them than she had when she’d met Blasto. 

“I thought Liara had been clear about your invasion of her… emotional privacy.”

But instead of getting mad, Liara simply nodded, leaning more heavily into him and dabbing at her cheeks with her sleeve. It seemed to dawn on Shepard, right then. 

“Oh my God,” the woman breathed. “You two!?” She pointed at the both of them respectively, and when Liara nodded, she slapped a hand against her face. “You two. Together.” Liara nodded once more, a sheepish smile making its way to her face. Javik simply watched the Commander, almost as if he thought that their relationship had been obvious. 

“You’re going to be the end of me,” Shepard mumbled. “Shit. Now I owe Tali like, 300 credits.”

And finally, Liara laughed through her tears, little snorts leaving her. Shepard smiled, joining her in her laughter, but Javik did not react to either of them. He was still intently studying the Commander, as if he could find out her deepest secrets if he glared hard enough. Which, Shepard had to admit, he technically could.

After a while of that happening, Liara excused herself awkwardly, making her way to the bathroom to ‘reapply her face’, as Shepard had called it. The moment Liara disappeared behind the bathroom doors, Javik scooted closer to the Commander, and she mimicked his movement, shuffling until they were standing arm to arm. 

“What was wrong with her?” he queried. 

“She thinks you’re leaving her. For some reason.”

Javik stared at her yet again, but this time, it was simply because he was slowly figuring it out. This whole time, that Javik thought he could sense anxiety and distress in Liara, she hadn’t been scared of leaving him. It had been the opposite. 

He grunted, crossing his arms. How had he been supposed to know that?

“I am not going anywhere, Commander,” he claimed, as if to reassure himself.

Shepard snorted, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Not me you should be telling that to, buddy.”


	24. Resolution

The moment she slipped into the bath, she knew she had made a terrible mistake when she chose to wear heels during the premiere of their book. Her feet burned as she dipped them into the hot water, and she hissed, reaching down and massaging them. 

Javik decided to keep her company during her bath, but the silence between them was heavy, filled with anxiety and stress. Feelings that, unbeknownst to Liara, they shared. After a few minutes of the silence stretching on awkwardly, with Liara shifting around in the bath in an attempt to get more comfortable, Javik spoke up. 

“I much preferred traveling around in that tiny space ship than talk to those primitives,” he grumbled, earning a fit of laughter from Liara. He watched her, his own lips twitching into a smile as she tried to wipe her tears away, only managing to get her face even more wet with bathwater. 

“I can’t argue with that,” she said, after calming down. She had to agree, in fact. Dealing with so many people had emotionally and physically drained her. Silence settled between the two of them again. Liara closed her eyes and found her mind wandering to when the first book would be sold, to Javik potentially leaving. 

When she opened her eyes, Javik was kneeling next to the bath, reaching for her hand. She did not draw it away, and instead let him grasp it, her own fingers curling around his. “Liara,” he began, and she felt her breath hitch at the intensity of his stare. “I am not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to go.”

She did not know how to react. So she simply stared at him, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. How had he known? She thought back to the event. Had Shepard told him? Probably. She wanted to laugh and to cry at her immaturity toward this whole situation. Should she have dealt with this whole issue earlier instead of crying to the Commander? 

Also probably. 

_Shepard,_ she thought. _Saving the day, yet again._

Her fingers unconsciously tightened around his, and she leaned over to rest her forehead against his shoulder. 

“Don’t go,” she whispered, trying to stop her voice from quivering. “By the Goddess, please, don’t go.”


	25. Future

The cooing sounds of the child were only echoed by vague, disgusted noises from the woman carrying it. 

“Get out of my hair,” Shepard growled, trying her best to pry the little devil’s hands out of it. “I know it’s fascinating, but holy-“

She reached for its arms, holding them away from her as the child giggled its heart out. She knew that the little… _thing_ was aware that she was frustrated. “Liara,” she said, moving her hands to pick the child up by the waist and holding it up an arms length away from her, “I don’t know how you do this. And you have _two_ of the monsters. Two!”

The only reply she got was a laugh from Liara, who was sitting in front of her terminal, obviously more concentrated on the matter at hand than the hell her child was putting Shepard through. 

“Don’t worry, Shepard,” Liara said, after hearing Shepard grumble to herself some more. “You’ll have your information soon, and then you can leave. I’m sorry to ask this of you, I know coming over wasn’t easy.” She scrolled through the code, making sure everything was in place. “But even heavy encryption couldn’t protect data like this. It needed, well, it needed you.”

Shepard laughed from the other room. “The one man army!” she called out, and Liara shook her head. Although she was relieved by how well Shepard had recovered, she was finding it hard to indulge in her friend’s overconfidence. “Either way,” Shepard continued. “If that bastard is hiding where I think he’s hiding-“  
  
“Language!” Liara interrupted, rolling her chair over to the doorway to glare at the Commander, who gave her a confused look. “I don’t want them to start swearing this early.”

Shepard snorted, looking back at the baby she was holding. “You didn’t understand any of that, did you?”

The baby, as if purposefully trying to support Shepard’s point, simply gargled and laughed, as babies did. Shepard looked appalled at the amount of spit the baby managed to get onto her pants. 

“Honestly, I admire you for being able to withstand… this,” Shepard claimed. “Especially being the Shadow Broker and all.”

Liara pulled the drive out of her terminal before making her way to the living room, where she handed it to Shepard. “I have agents who help take care of them, and protect them. And Javik.”

Shepard laughed, putting the baby down to reach for the drive. Her smile quickly fading into a grimace as Liara’s second child tried to grasp at her socks. “Whatever makes you happy, dear,” the Commander said pushing the child away from her with her foot. 

“Speaking of happiness,” Liara said, leading her friend to the front door of her apartment. “You are, right? Happy, I mean.”

Shepard laughed, a hearty one, one that, if Liara had to be honest, she missed hearing. One that was rare. “How could I possibly be happier? I’ve got a wife, a husband… time in the military,” Shepard counted the points on her fingers. Liara nodded, before doubling back. 

“A wife?”

“The Normandy,” the Commander replied matter-of-factly. 

“Right.”

“You are too, I take it?” Shepard asked, before clearing her throat. “Happy, I mean. With Javik, with,” she gestured toward the living room, “with the children…”

Liara giggled, before looking back at the two bumbling children behind them.  

“I couldn’t be happier if I wanted to, Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the final chapter of this fic, I honestly hope you like it, i’m sorry Javik’s not in it but I didn’t know how else to really END END this fic without an outsider int here so wopw op shepard friendhsip ahhaaha……. anyways… um i want to thank everyone whos managed to get this far, to the anons and the people who messages me about this fic saying they loved it, it spurred me on, it encouraged me to write and honestly i couldn’t be happier with the way this fic went. i hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it, and thank you again, for all the support. It means the world to me! <3

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow my tumblr! ---> cullensexual.tumblr.com
> 
> (Im gonna post so much tsovik art holy shitsnacks)


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